Tag Archives: vulnerability

Vulnerability…Recovered

 

A page from my journal entry:

“Dec 1st, 2014

I spoke with my sister this evening and I recalled a memory my mom shared with me, of me, when I was a child. My mom described me as this little girl who just did not want to go into the sandbox with the other kids, to play and get dirty, but would instead cross my hands behind my back and observe the other kids playing. It’s an image that parallels a lot of the struggle I experienced as an adolescent, a young woman and an adult in my friendships and relationships with others. I was the observer who didn’t really feel that I BELONGED anywhere, but instead observed others and their interactions, but was somewhat scared of being ‘known’ so I simply kept my true self hidden from others. It wasn’t until recently that I thought about displacement as a result of war (I am from former Yugoslavia, the region of Bosnia), and what that truly did for my spirit, understanding of self and others, my lack of the sense of belonging anywhere, and its effect on any relationship I attempted to participate in, that it dawned on me… THE one thing I thought I wanted, truly wanted, was the one thing I was truly afraid of – BEING LOVED.

 

I was afraid of being loved.

 

Why? Well I did not love or like mySelf for a long time, which is a starting place for reflection. But when I looked into it deeper, I realized that: 1. being loved means that someone is making a ‘commitment’ to me which they may not be able to maintain consistently; and 2. that would involve vulnerability on my end, and on that person’s end, and I simply wasn’t comfortable with it. That basic human essence – birthplace of creativity, love, nurturing and mindful relationships, a true display of courage – was very uncomfortable for me.

 

Why was it uncomfortable? Why is being vulnerable so scary? Because you put your true Self in the spotlight, on display and it may not be everyone’s ‘cup of tea’, so you open your Self up to criticism, rejection, ridicule… Except when you decide to face your fear, be vulnerable in showing who you really are, you find that people respect you more and are more accepting OF you. And that’s love.

 

So I’m stepping forth on my intentions of building mindful, respectful, nurturing, loving relationships, and allowing mySelf to simply BE ME, my true self, in all situations and people I encounter.

 

That does not mean that everyone deserves, or will be given, a backstage pass to my life, but it does mean that the right people will be invited to know ME.”

 

In order to get a hug, you must give a hug…

 

Love, T

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A Song Broken Down…

Any form of art we create, has its own life, which is carried by those who receive it with any of their senses. Its life lies in connection with a memory, feelings, a recognition of, and a relation to past experience(s) of the person who is engaging with it, be it via visual or auditory (or taste etc) stimulation. We are human beings. What makes us truly human, in my opinion, is our ability to FEEL. Emotions, feelings, are part of our human experience.

 

Photo ©T.Nikic, 2012

Photo ©T.Nikic, 2012

A very important side note: Our souls don’t ‘feel’. Our souls are a distinct energy which allows us to develop a spiritual awareness during our human experience. We are able to ‘recognize’ souls we’ve met in a previous life or those souls we are inherently connected to (i.e. soul mates). But our souls, even at the moment of recognition of another, do not have the experience of FEELING. But our humanity does. Our souls simply experience an elevation of the vibrational frequency of their energy at this time. That’s something we as humans can FEEL as part of our human experience, but our souls just have an energy ex/change. That is all.

Why am I talking about art, souls and the ability to feel as part of our human experience?? Because of a song I just stumbled upon. Yes, it’s that deep. Why am I going to the extreme of writing a blog post about it? Because it matters and because I recognize our human tendencies of getting caught up in emotions which can subsequently lead to an emotional roller coaster ride. Remember Adele’s Someone Like You? Whitney Houston’s I Will Always Love You? Or even bits of Rihanna’s Stay ft. Mikky Ekko? If experienced in a misinterpretation, rather in a state of being that is in an uncentered emotional turmoil, those songs could lead to a prolonging of (or the creation of) an attachment to a feeling which is fleeting, as all feelings are. ALL FEELINGS ARE FLEETING. This song, to me, is a more mature, aware, grownup, male version. Oh you’re wondering what song I’m talking about? Read on, please. 🙂

When I first listened to it, I found the song, like parts of the aforementioned songs, ego based, because initially I felt that it was written from a space where there was an attachment to a person/feeling (as the songs above were). However, after watching the video, and listening to the song on repeat for a few hours, just reflecting and connecting to it, I realized that (or interpreted that) this piece of art was rooted in honesty. I felt that it wasn’t a song about longing for a lost love but a realization that one missed out on the experience of love because he did not allow himself to be vulnerable. He realized too late that his fears and ego prevented him from experiencing LOVE, because he was scared, for whatever reason, and now he is in this melancholy, not regretful, but a very mindful state of awareness: TO EXPERIENCE LOVE, WE MUST BE VULNERABLE WITH ANOTHER, AND OVERCOME OUR FEARS.

 

 

In relationships with another, irrelevant of the intensity of the connection, we have to be emotionally naked in order to truly experience LOVE, with another. After all, in order to receive a hug, we must give a hug. The difficulty for some lies in showing love, but more often than that, it lies in difficulty in receiving love, of ‘allowing’ another to love us. The reasons for this can be complex and are often rooted in our childhood ‘misinterpretation’ of love. But it basically boils down to feeling unworthy of someone loving us. That’s a painful and damaging lie we carry with us, unknowingly sometimes. But this song, as simple as the lyrics are, describes that realization, of the fact that he did not experience that closeness with her because he couldn’t go there with her, on an emotional level. His ego led him to think that she’d come running back to him, but she found happiness with someone who wasn’t scared to go THERE – to be open, and honest, and vulnerable on an emotional, spiritual and mental level. He held on to that ‘ego thought’ until he realized that the reason it didn’t work out between them, was because of his fears and ego holding him back from that soul baring nakedness, that is needed to experience such closeness with another human being. He is grieving the death of his fears, as he realizes that those fears are what was ‘killing’ him, his spirit, and his ability to experience LOVE, with another.

 

I have shared my breakdown of this song because I wanted to remind all of us that in order to experience LOVE with another, we MUST not just be vulnerable and courageous enough to love another, but also be vulnerable and courageous in allowing another to love us. I wrote this because I want to see people engaged in mindful, loving, and emotionally fulfilling relationships, myself included. Of course there is more to relationships than this – they take work. But imagine if we based them on, and built them in a sacred space of honesty, vulnerability, and soul baring nakedness? I bet there’d be more happy people walking around…

Love liberates. Love doesn’t bind. Love liberates.

 

And no, it will not eradicate powerful art. If anything, it may feed and fuel the creation of more art, that’s even more touching and powerful.

 

Oh and about the song that inspired this post? Click here to hear it.

Peace and love,

T

 

 


An Open Letter To Every King And Queen – YOU!

Incredible King,

I shall address you first because I want you to know just how grateful I am, to you, for being who you are. Your courage, your fearlessness, your drive, your spirit, your heart – it touches me so deeply that it brings tears to my eyes. I see you struggling to live out the truth in your heart and fight against the labels and expectations that society has unjustly placed on you, and you know what? I SUPPORT YOU! Please don’t ever stop listening to truths your heart holds. Follow and nurture those dreams so that we all may share in the joy of being true Kings and Queens together. I BELIEVE IN YOU! You have the intelligence, the love, the heart, the creativity, the courage, the spirit, to bring to life ALL of your dreams. It’s never too late to start on one you may have given up on or put aside for something else. LIVE out your each moment of now fully, completely, with an open heart. TRUST YOUR SELF. Know that YOU CAN! And please keep your heart OPEN because true strength lies in vulnerability, and as Dr Brene Brown points out, not only is vulnerability the ‘most accurate measurement of courage’ but it’s also the ‘birthplace of innovation, creativity and change’. CLOSE THE GAP BETWEEN WHO YOU ARE AND WHO YOU WANT TO BE. Against the backdrop of everything you didn’t have or didn’t like growing up, you’ve used your energy to become the opposite of it until one day, you finally realize, you’ve always had it – YOU ARE LOVE. Sometimes, love is tears. Sometimes, love is hugs. But always, ALWAYS love is forgiveness and love liberates. Don’t close your heart to who you are. You are love. And I love you.

Amazing Queen,

Your light shines so bright that it warms me to my soul. Your strength, your courage, your selflessness, has inspired me to give. PLEASE CONTINUE TO GIVE! I know that this world can be cold but we can thaw it out and make it warmer by sharing our light with those who’ve shut their own down. I’m not saying we do the work that they have to do for themselves for them, I’m just saying we can show them. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. No matter your size, your colour, your height, your shape, your hair, your clothes, you are beautiful. DO NOT allow ANYONE to make you doubt that. I know you have a good heart – one that’s been through a lot and has fought battles and struggled and has been broken, but your heart is what we all gravitate towards. REMEMBER THAT!!! Keep your heart open and take care of it. Nurture it with experiences, interactions and people who lift your spirit. DO YOU!!! Whatever your passions are (and I know that you have many), explore them. Allow yourself the time and the space to do the things you LOVE! And you and I both know that shoes, as amazing as they are, aren’t your real passion. Look at the truths your heart holds. See how beautiful those truths are? NURTURE THEM. LIVE OUT YOUR TRUTHS. Make sure that you KEEP YOUR HEART OPEN. That is the only way that you’ll finally understand that you are a Queen because YOU ARE LOVE. And just like I wrote to our Kings – Sometimes, love is tears. Sometimes, love is hugs. But always, ALWAYS love is forgiveness and love liberates. Don’t close your heart to who you are. You are love. And I love you.

Courageous Kings and Queens,

Let us always remember that we can only see in others, what we’ve come to see and embrace in our Selves. I see Kings all around me not just because the men I know are, but because I see myself as a Queen so how can we NOT gravitate towards each other? Our energies feel good and uplift one another. THAT is the power of LOVE. Love isn’t just that non-platonic, romantic exchange between two people of the same or opposite sex (love is free!), but love is that connection we nurture with our open hearts with those who lift us and nurture our spirit. I know we’ve been hurt, and we’ve been down and low and sad. But we ARE. Life, of course, is going to be filled with unpleasant situations, people, experiences. But that doesn’t mean that we should simply give up and close down and shut our Selves off from being, from feeling, from loving. It means that we are that strong, that we can go through a ‘bad’ experience and instead of that being a brick or two we use to build a wall around our hearts, it is actually an opportunity to grow and learn and give and forgive and most importantly, it’s an opportunity to love. You see, it’s not about being vulnerable with every person whom you meet or whom you are related to or in friendship or relationship with. It’s about not allowing life to change you and make you into someone whom you don’t like or want to be. Whatever type of support you may need (i.e. emotional), make sure that you go with your open heart to that person whom can offer you that, and not go to one who isn’t capable of giving it to you (i.e. reaching out for emotional support to someone who is emotionally unavailable). Get to KNOW each person in your life and what type of support they can offer you. Once you’ve learned that, utilize it when you need it because we are all in this together. We are meant to lift each other up, become better and grow as individuals. Let us keep giving and showing each other love.

Final thoughts Kings and Queens:

A courageous heart will allow you to reach your dreams.

A smiling heart will enrich your life.

A loving heart will inspire others to become better.

An open heart will give reason to LIVING.

BE OPEN AND LOVE!

Love, T


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