Tag Archives: reflections

Confessions and Reflections of a Former (?) Passion Addict

I was not even aware that I was a passion addict until a few months ago. I was talking to someone in their 40s who had just come out of a very long relationship and was excited about their newfound excitement and passion of the relationship they was entering with someone else. They had mentioned how that was the one thing that all relationships tend to lose at some point and that they were glad that they are experiencing it again, but as an outsider, it seemed that things were moving rather quickly with this new person. However, I started thinking about all of my dating experiences from ages ago and realized that my main drive for getting into anything with anyone in the past has also really been one main thing – passion.

I can honestly say that, for a long while, chemistry, physical attraction, and excitement were the only things deciding if I was going to date someone. And when I say date, I use that term loosely. It was more like spending time with a guy (sharing a dinner, going dancing, etc) for a few weeks and then going “Next!”, leaving in search of someone else because I wanted sparks in my interactions with those of the opposite sex I was interested in. I mean it wasn’t that I was always dating someone and it’s not that I experienced that exciting chemistry with every guy I met (nor did I date everyone I met), but that’s what I was searching for.

Living like that – in constant search of experiencing excitement, passion and chemistry with another human being – it got me into some unhappy situations. And the best part? I hadn’t a clue as to how this could happen to me, again and again. Looking back on it now, I see so much immaturity in that young woman, but I can also see so much growth from all of that. It’s not that every experience was bad, it’s that none of them lasted. And how could they? None of those dating ‘relationships’ were based on substance or friendship or some sort of foundation one could potentially build an actual relationship on. They were all just based on…passion.

I’m not going to sit behind my computer and pretend as if passion isn’t important or that we don’t need to experience it. That would be the farthest thing from the truth. But what I’ve learned is that if you want to get into an actual relationship, you have to base it on something concrete with someone who has the same intentions and values. Passion just doesn’t seem to be that solid of a ‘thing’ to base a relationship on.

Social media has been interesting in people’s sharing of their own opinions on dating, the opposite sex, and relationships. From what I’ve seen (and unfollowed on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter), there are a lot of cynics out there who complain about ‘the selection’ of men or women ‘available’ to them. I have yet to see, however, any of these cynics take some responsibility for their own actions, intentions, and reflect on why they keep having the same experiences over and over again. I’m not saying I have it all figured out or that these people aren’t justified in having these opinions, however if the common denominator in all of these experiences is YOU, then it’s likely you have some work to do.

I feel a conscious shift amongst my peers which includes being more mindful on what we say, do and who we spend time with. I think much of that has to do with obtaining a more honest awareness of Self but I also think we’re becoming more mindful with our intentions. And that makes me hopeful – maybe our relationship experiences will become happier and much more fulfilling.

Many of us had been sold “the fairytale” of what a relationship should look like, by our society, movies, media, TV, however many of us are also coming out of it with a simple realization:

We create the experiences in our lives. That includes love, relationships, friendships, and yes, even passion. 

Love,

T

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IS

2013 has been a strange one for many of us. I keep seeing people getting into situations with a common theme – mainly many are still holding on to their pains, not working through them, and it’s preventing them from moving forward.

Love, is a strange thing, isn’t it? It lifts you and holds you and inspires you and comforts you and cradles you, if you let it. I’m not saying there is a relationship out there that is perfect. I’m just saying that love IS that IT which elevates. 

I think we disregard the importance of loving another and embracing being loved, too often. 

Have you ever asked your Self what’s holding you back?

Fly.

T

PS I wrote this in the feminine realm but please know, it applies to both men and women.

******

I see you’ve been struggling to embrace her as she IS.

I see that you’ve been breaking her down in your mind,

So that you avoid feeling anything.

Break her down if you wish

But she IS the trees that give you shade,

On that hot summer day,

Their leaves feeding and sustaining your life.

She IS in the oceans and the rivers,

That host forms of life you’ve only ever read about,

Interconnected and intertwined in her earth,

Flowing all around you.

She IS the earth, upon which you’ve built your house,

Holding it up.

She IS the sun and the moon

Who greet you when you awaken in the morning

And bid you good night.

She IS the wind helping to guide your flight.

She has comforted you and been there for you.

She IS waiting for you to heal your wounded wings

And fly with her in the sky.

But you go ahead and keep trying to break her down.

You’ve been advised to spend your time

And direct your energy towards your healing

For a while now, by your heart.

She believes in you and knows that you can.

She has never given up on you.

She will be here when you’re ready,

Hopefully you won’t find her flying with somebody else then.

She IS.

Love.

Light.

She IS.

*****

Justin Timberlake – Not A Bad Thing & Pair Of Wings (starts at 5:28)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CErc7TZ7ilc

Acrylics on canvas. Thoughts are my own. Painting is as well. 2012

Acrylics on canvas.
Thoughts are my own.
Painting is as well. T
(2012)


Snippets Of Unwritten Poems…

I believe that every writer (and poet) has unfinished pieces of work that they’d like to get to at some point. And they come from different places of emotional states. Here are some of mine, as I try to put them in perspective for you.

Love,

T

***

I am sure I was thinking about my life and my work when I lost my sense of NOW when I wrote this:

“I wish that my world

Could stop spinning so fast.

I need to catch my breath,

Take a seat and relax.”

***

This came from much work on my Self over the last three and a half years. Realizations like this strike me at times I least expect. I am happy to report that I’ve been working hard on all of those walls…we’ll see where it leads me and how all of that goes!

“My head is throbbing

But the pain isn’t there

I can’t locate it exactly

It’s hidden by a wall I’ve built

A long time ago

And it’s ready to be broken

I’m ready to let go.”

***

I am pretty sure this was a reflection of my past heartbreaks…friendships, loves and other life’s lessons…

“A hot shower

Can wash away the dirt

And the tears

But not the scars.

Those remain

And stay with us.

No matter how hard

We try to scrub them out”

***

This was written at a time when I realized that sometimes being strong isn’t all that strong. Real strength comes from being who you are – your feelings and all – letting it all show.

“I wanted to hold back my tears

But I knew they had to fall.”

***

I think I will always feel like this!

“I am not a poet

But I write out of love”

***

I do not believe in Valentine’s Day. In fact I do not think that there should be a reason given to anyone to express their love, care or affection to someone. I love spontaneity and surprises and I think that this was just one of those times when I was on a “man-hating” rampage when I wrote this.

“There should be a man

At my door

With flowers in his hand

To remind me of affection

And that chivalry is not dead”

***

These lines are heavy. They reflect some of my disappointments and many of my truths of past relationships. Although there is some ego in it, it was mostly to reflect the fact that, I believe in trying to make things work and giving it my best try. I don’t ever want to walk away from a connection or a relationship and wonder would things have turned out differently had I just done a little bit more? I think we walk away too soon nowadays. That’s where these lines come from.

He said: “In life, you have to pick your battles.”

She replied: “Will you ever fight for me? For us?”

***

I must have been thinking about my ‘perfect’ guy here…

“Your name is on my lips.

These lips you’ve never even kissed.”


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