Tag Archives: reflection

BIG Questions

 

There are a few big truths I’ve learned about being human thus far:

Understanding ones Self allows an understanding of others.

Trusting ones Self fully allows one to trust another.

Empowering ones Self allows not just the ability to empower others but to practice self-esteem and speak one’s truth.

A lot of these lessons I understood through my own reflective practice, though I’ve read and heard many teachers hand these priceless jewels out in their writings and lectures. Of course you can only fully understand something if you sit with it in reflection, practice and experience it.

I have come to understand that a reflective practice is vital in our growth however I only learned to ask the big questions, questions which served me and my growth, in the last year. These questions stem from an awareness and a big truth which is that nothing anyone ever does is about us but is an extension of the space in their Self in which they dwell. However, asking why someone does, says or thinks something, is not a question which serves us or helps us grow.

The only place you can surely settle into and, if you choose to do so, learn intimately is your own Self. Immersing ones Self into the depths of your soul or spirit, whether through a meditative practice or a reflective practice or through creative expressions etc, is a sure way to centre oneSelf. However, to navigate these spaces, even through different practices,  one must ask questions which serve you.

I have learned that some of the big questions which serve your growth include:

Why do I think this or think in this way?

Why do I feel this way about an event?

Why did I say this during a specific event?

Why was this my internal reaction to an event?

Why do I believe this?

What is it about this person/place/situation that makes me feel the way I do?

One of my favourite teachers, Caroline Myss, would say that these questions are not small but “they’re great big huge and you cannot possibly answer them that quickly.” I feel that the list of questions above are good starting points for reflection.

In my own reflective practice, asking these questions has provided a lot of clarity for me, but more importantly, they have acted as an anchor to my centre, my true Self. These questions have also brought up inner work I wasn’t aware I needed to do. I found that awareness painful at times, but the more I’ve done it, the easier it has been to be centred even during events that have in the past taken me far away from that space.

Our humanity dictates our imperfections, and thereby demands courage to grow, learn, evolve, allow, and ultimately, to fly. To me, the greatest representation of freedom are birds in the sky – they can fly anywhere, see things from different altitudes and perspectives, experience different horizons – and I view finding one’s centre to be like a bird in flight, gliding across the sky, without attachment, free and prepared to experience anything, anyone, in any weather. For me, dwelling in big questions, objectively and without judgement, has allowed my own freedom of flight and, so far, the views have been illuminating.

Wishing you love, light and a soaring flight,

T

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Vulnerability…Recovered

 

A page from my journal entry:

“Dec 1st, 2014

I spoke with my sister this evening and I recalled a memory my mom shared with me, of me, when I was a child. My mom described me as this little girl who just did not want to go into the sandbox with the other kids, to play and get dirty, but would instead cross my hands behind my back and observe the other kids playing. It’s an image that parallels a lot of the struggle I experienced as an adolescent, a young woman and an adult in my friendships and relationships with others. I was the observer who didn’t really feel that I BELONGED anywhere, but instead observed others and their interactions, but was somewhat scared of being ‘known’ so I simply kept my true self hidden from others. It wasn’t until recently that I thought about displacement as a result of war (I am from former Yugoslavia, the region of Bosnia), and what that truly did for my spirit, understanding of self and others, my lack of the sense of belonging anywhere, and its effect on any relationship I attempted to participate in, that it dawned on me… THE one thing I thought I wanted, truly wanted, was the one thing I was truly afraid of – BEING LOVED.

 

I was afraid of being loved.

 

Why? Well I did not love or like mySelf for a long time, which is a starting place for reflection. But when I looked into it deeper, I realized that: 1. being loved means that someone is making a ‘commitment’ to me which they may not be able to maintain consistently; and 2. that would involve vulnerability on my end, and on that person’s end, and I simply wasn’t comfortable with it. That basic human essence – birthplace of creativity, love, nurturing and mindful relationships, a true display of courage – was very uncomfortable for me.

 

Why was it uncomfortable? Why is being vulnerable so scary? Because you put your true Self in the spotlight, on display and it may not be everyone’s ‘cup of tea’, so you open your Self up to criticism, rejection, ridicule… Except when you decide to face your fear, be vulnerable in showing who you really are, you find that people respect you more and are more accepting OF you. And that’s love.

 

So I’m stepping forth on my intentions of building mindful, respectful, nurturing, loving relationships, and allowing mySelf to simply BE ME, my true self, in all situations and people I encounter.

 

That does not mean that everyone deserves, or will be given, a backstage pass to my life, but it does mean that the right people will be invited to know ME.”

 

In order to get a hug, you must give a hug…

 

Love, T


Window Seat…

A moment of reflection, St Mark's Basilica, Venice

I’ve been thinking about reflection and how valuable of a practice it is for inner peace. Some may say that I am writing about something obvious but there is a depth there which often goes unacknowledged, in my opinion.

I, just like many who live in large North American cities, lead a busy life. Of course this is by choice but the fact remains – we stay busy. In the midst of that chaos (because at times it really can feel chaotic) we somehow ‘have to deal’ with whatever is going on in our lives, with whatever has happened that’s not been dealt with, and with whatever else comes up. Often, I have found that I do the minimum not because I don’t want to deal with an issue or a situation (although sometimes that IS true) but simply because of lack of time I make for self.

Recently, me, myself and I traveled abroad for four weeks and got to spend much-needed quality time. I wasn’t even aware that I had that actual need to spend time with myself, until I was there and all the things that have happened in my life in the last few years finally surfaced…but you could say, I finally allowed them to. They were all pretty major things – passing of my grandfather who was one of the biggest loves of my life; getting out of an unhealthy relationship which left scars and damage that I realized during my alone time I had buried deep and hadn’t allowed myself to feel; coming into my own as a woman and an adult which is complex on its own; and dealing with all the matters of the heart which I tried to run from or ignore….

I’m not interested in writing about personal details of people, situations or moments which happened on my trip or in my life because it is not necessary. If you are going through or have gone through something which you’ve not been able to, or have not allowed yourself to deal with and feel, then you already understand my words and all of what I’m trying to say.

The thing which has become obvious to me however, is that all those things I ‘have to deal’ with but don’t make time for, eventually DO need to be dealt with, reflected on, digested, discussed, released…for me to keep going and most importantly to be able to grow and to be able to feel. I am not talking about every day stuff we have to do but big things like relationships, death of someone close to us, love, etc. All that ‘stuff’ requires and deserves time with self. YOU deserve time with YOURSELF.

Sometimes it is just a feeling  – you know you must spend time to reflect and to feel in order to move forward. And it doesn’t even have to be that you are unhappy about anything in your life or about yourself. It’s really just about you taking the time to reflect and I mean REALLY reflect on whatever it is that your soul and your heart are telling you is important.

I’ve come to appreciate my own ‘stripping’ of outer layers and being emotionally and spiritually ‘naked’ with myself. It is a scary thing, I won’t lie but what scared me more after-the-fact is that I had not allowed myself to feel up to that point. The inability of feeling had crippled me emotionally, spiritually and somewhat mentally without me even realizing it. It’s strange because before I left for my trip I felt great about everything in my life – I was happy and content. After I faced my fears and allowed myself to feel, by reflecting on things that I thought I had ‘dealt with’, I realized how much growing I still had to do as a person. More importantly I realized that I can be my own best friend or worst enemy depending on the amount of realness I serve myself and how much time I allow with myself.

To some of you reading this, you just read a bunch of gibberish. But to others who are dealing with ‘stuff’ and yet haven’t really dealt with anything, I hope you allow yourself time with yourself to reflect. My biggest wish for you after that time with self which I hope you find, is that you allow yourself to feel all of that which you need to. Know that we all have a story and that someone else has gone through what you’ve gone or may be going through – the details may be different but the feelings which you were left with are the same. It isn’t an easy road to travel on but it’s the most important one to follow….

Much love and peace,

T


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