Tag Archives: life

A Great Story

Blessed are those who see their Self reflected in the eyes of another. Even more blessed are those who truly see each other.

– T.


Cusco, Peru 2017. Photo © of T.Nikic


She doesn’t go to bars and she’s never been to this one. The bar she has entered is filled with magic. She’s failed to connect with the acquaintance she’s spending the evening with, so she orders a magic potion to drink. No sugar added.

He had been at a party with his best friend who was visiting him. He doesn’t remember how it happened, but he ended up sitting on a stool at the bar next to her. Neither of them knew how long they’d been there when he turned to her and asked, “Have you read about this magic?” At that exact moment they entered into a creative space of infinite possibilities where they could go anywhere that night together.

When she walked away from him she wondered if she met HIM. The next day when he asked to see her again, she wanted to tell him that she wasn’t ready, that she that it was too soon. But she didn’t. “How could I not be ready?” she wondered, “I’ve been waiting to meet someone like him my entire life”. Instead, she continued the dance of texting and late night phone calls, and pushed him away, slowly at first, but it turned into a cruel ordeal soon thereafter.


Fast-forward about six months. They’ve not spoken nor seen each other. Perhaps they remained curious, but no contact was made. She travels to a far away land to heal, for she thinks that the reason she pushed him away is deep, and she needs help to do so. She drinks a healing potion three times. The first time she drinks it, she releases all that has been holding her back her entire life. The second time she drinks it, he comes to her, joyful and smiling, wanting to be with her. Happily, they embrace for a long time. She tells him she has to finish her work but that she will return to him. Reluctantly, he leaves her. The third time she drinks the potion, she becomes a bird and flies to the mountain peak. It becomes official then – she has healed and is ready for the next elevation.


When she returns home, she reaches out to him. His reply suggests that he is unsure or uninterested. She doesn’t push. He visits her in a dream a few weeks later. They are together but there are many people watching them. One of the walls of the room of their bedroom is actually a stage. There is a play going on and he seems interested in watching it. She feels love because they are doing something together. She wakes up feeling hopeful.


It’s been over five months since her healed self returned home and reached out to him. No contact and yet he visits her in yet another dream. In this dream, they are sitting around a dining room table, outside in a green garden with many flowers on a warm, sunny day. It feels like late spring. The people sitting around the table feel like her family, and he is sitting with her and laughing with them. He serves her breakfast – farmer’s market butter and honey spread lovingly on a piece of bread made with love. She never told him that was her favourite breakfast growing up. She is moved to tears. He smiles at her and she wakes up. Oh, the grace, blessings, love, she feels on a soul level when she opens her eyes that morning – he said goodbye to her so lovingly. She sends a sincere prayer of gratitude to him.


His presence in her physical life was very short, yet he graced her with love that transcended the senses and reached her soul. He inspired her to heal. She learned that life is about allowing, not holding on. She is now flying.

The meeting of their souls was planned long before they saw each other, but their meeting started a new chapter in her life. A life of conscious commitment, to her Self, to honour her soul on every level, in every way, each and every moment, for the rest of her life.

The fairytale is over.


Honouring Dr Maya Angelou


"The rose is without why, It blooms because it blooms, It cares not for itself, Ask not if it is seen"~Johannes Scheffler  (Photo © T.Nikic)

“The rose is without why,
It blooms because it blooms,
It cares not for itself,
Ask not if it is seen”~Johannes Scheffler
(Photo © T.Nikic)

June 28th will mark one month since Dr Maya Angelou’s passing. I have wanted to write this since, but I simply wasn’t ready. I suppose you could say that I needed some time to process and reflect on the lessons I gained from her books, her poetry, her wit, her wisdom, her grace.


This blog was inspired by her. In fact the title, ARainbowInTheClouds, was inspired by the words I heard her speak in person. The very first blog post is about the time I saw Dr Angelou speak in Toronto. (You can read it here: http://wp.me/p1AZhb-6 .)


I watched the live streaming of Dr Angelou’s wake on June 7th+8th at home (you can watch it here: http://new.livestream.com/wfu/angelou ). I cried through most of it. It was such a wonderful celebration of joy, which she exuded much of. There were some powerful and amazing things said about Dr Angelou which I noted.


“As long as we have time, we should keep the courage to begin again.”~Bill Clinton sharing what he learned from Dr Angelou.

“When I look at you, I am really looking at mySelf in a different costume.”~Oprah sharing what Dr Angelou taught her.

“Anything that diminishes a human being, diminishes all of us.”~Guy Johnson on what his mother taught him.



After her passing, I went through my own meditation and reflections of her lessons, which I did through this sketch of her:

Dr Maya Angelou Charcoal, graphite and pastel on paper

Dr Maya Angelou
Charcoal, graphite and pastel on paper


The greatest honour, I believe, that Dr Angelou was given at her wake is this one:


“Sequined in the black velvet sky of night,

shines a star with fiery hot, fire possessed,

leading all those who wish to claim what is right

to look within themselves and find their best.

Over my life shines this glorious beacon,

lighting my path through the dark shadow land.

With this as my guide

I shall not weaken my strive

to be a strong but gentle man.

Others had been led by its incandescence

to be more than mere flesh and bone.

To love and be loved is its true essence

for only the heart can change this world of stone.

Thus fortune graces me like none other

for this star,

this nova,

is my mother.”~Guy Johnson’s poem for his mother, Dr Maya Angelou



Dr Angelou, you believed that words are things which seep into everything – walls, hair, hearts, spirit. There are not enough words to express the gratitude I feel in my heart for the love, lessons, life and wisdom you shared with the world. I agree with you – courage is the most important of all the virtues. It takes courage to love, to speak the truth, to forgive, to engage in our own soul flight. As I am typing this, I am watching birds in flight, high in the sky, and I am reminded, once again, why the caged bird not only sings, but is free – we all are, when we learn how to fly the wings of our soul, our spirit. Thank you.




“Love heals. Heals and liberates. I use the word LOVE, not meaning sentimentality, but a condition so strong that it may be that which holds the stars in their heavenly positions and that which causes the blood to flow orderly in our veins.”~Maya Angelou

Snippets Of Unwritten Poems…

I believe that every writer (and poet) has unfinished pieces of work that they’d like to get to at some point. And they come from different places of emotional states. Here are some of mine, as I try to put them in perspective for you.




I am sure I was thinking about my life and my work when I lost my sense of NOW when I wrote this:

“I wish that my world

Could stop spinning so fast.

I need to catch my breath,

Take a seat and relax.”


This came from much work on my Self over the last three and a half years. Realizations like this strike me at times I least expect. I am happy to report that I’ve been working hard on all of those walls…we’ll see where it leads me and how all of that goes!

“My head is throbbing

But the pain isn’t there

I can’t locate it exactly

It’s hidden by a wall I’ve built

A long time ago

And it’s ready to be broken

I’m ready to let go.”


I am pretty sure this was a reflection of my past heartbreaks…friendships, loves and other life’s lessons…

“A hot shower

Can wash away the dirt

And the tears

But not the scars.

Those remain

And stay with us.

No matter how hard

We try to scrub them out”


This was written at a time when I realized that sometimes being strong isn’t all that strong. Real strength comes from being who you are – your feelings and all – letting it all show.

“I wanted to hold back my tears

But I knew they had to fall.”


I think I will always feel like this!

“I am not a poet

But I write out of love”


I do not believe in Valentine’s Day. In fact I do not think that there should be a reason given to anyone to express their love, care or affection to someone. I love spontaneity and surprises and I think that this was just one of those times when I was on a “man-hating” rampage when I wrote this.

“There should be a man

At my door

With flowers in his hand

To remind me of affection

And that chivalry is not dead”


These lines are heavy. They reflect some of my disappointments and many of my truths of past relationships. Although there is some ego in it, it was mostly to reflect the fact that, I believe in trying to make things work and giving it my best try. I don’t ever want to walk away from a connection or a relationship and wonder would things have turned out differently had I just done a little bit more? I think we walk away too soon nowadays. That’s where these lines come from.

He said: “In life, you have to pick your battles.”

She replied: “Will you ever fight for me? For us?”


I must have been thinking about my ‘perfect’ guy here…

“Your name is on my lips.

These lips you’ve never even kissed.”

Learn To Love…

I was off from work today. It took me some time to get myself organized and leave my place to run the errands I needed to complete.

But eventually I got myself together – I put my hair up in a bun, put some large hoops in my ears, opted for a dark pair of jeans and my white Marilyn Monroe print tee to go with my new grey jacket I bought in Chicago a few weeks ago. I left my house with the feeling that I looked as good as I felt (and I felt good!)…which is a great feeling as we all know.

My first stop was the nail shop. I walked in and there were no other customers so it was nice and quiet. My nails were made beautiful again and as I was waiting for my toes to dry, this LOUD ‘female’ walked in. I didn’t get a good look at her until she sat in the chair beside me. (I’d say she was around my age.) She was probably a few inches taller than me, minus the curves. She must have had 3-4 layers of extra long fake lashes glued onto her lids. Her lips looked like they’ve gone through one too many collagen injections, and I actually thought that they looked kind of painful to move or touch. Her hair was not combed well so you could see where the extra long extensions were glued on. But the most elaborate thing on her ‘body’ were in fact, her breasts. Imagine two basketballs, side-by-side on a long board. Except these basketballs are so heavy that they’re not only starting to sag a little, not only are the covering half of her torso, but they’re actually bending her back forward and exaggerating her kyphosis.

Because she was sitting beside me, AND was very loud, I heard everything that came out of her mouth while I was there. One thing that stood out was her story about the fact that she phoned the shop yesterday, only to get the nail shop lady’s husband on the phone. When she was trying to make the appointment she said “I’m the one who comes there all the time. You know, the one with the big boobs?” and laughed after that punchline. (That made me think of three things: 1. she was actually proud of her two basketballs, 2. she identifies herself as her basketballs, or 3. she hides her true self behind her basketballs.)

I was grateful when my nails were dry and I could go about the rest of my day. I can’t lie – I found it extremely hard NOT to stare and wonder how bad she must have felt about herself before she took such extremes to plasticize her body.

I made my way over to Kensington market where my first order of business was lunch – AND I ate dessert too, for I also remembered the loud ‘female’ at the nail shop saying how she ‘forgot to eat today’. SIDE NOTE: Natural curves on a female, are a must!

After lunch and dessert, and after completing my intended food shopping, I was making my way out of Kensington when I read a statement on a banner of sorts, which actually inspired this blog post:

“If you desire love,

learn to love.”

It’s so simple, yet so lovely, isn’t it? If you want to have love in your life, you must then learn how to love. And who better to start with, than YOU?! I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “Love yourself first”. Well, that’s the key to overcoming almost every fear, every struggle, any pain or sorrow you’re holding onto in life.  For some of you, you’re reading something that is obvious to you, and that’s because you’ve probably done the work you needed to do on your Self and you understand it as the truth.  But for others, however, you may be asking “HOW DO I GET THERE? HOW DO I DO THAT? HOW DO I LEARN TO LOVE?” which is great because you’ve recognized that you have some work to do AND that you’re ready to do it!

So I’ll be honest, although I’ve reached a place of love for my Self that’s deep, vast, accepting, joyful and has brought me a deep sense of peace, I am not an expert or a doctor. However, I do have a few things I can share with you that I learned during my journey which may be helpful to you, in yours.

1. DO NOT put off doing the work you’re now aware you need to do.

2. Spend time with yourself. Write to yourself, talk to yourself, listen to your own thoughts and feelings. Pay attention to your inner reactions.

3. Deal with ALL of your baggage – NOTHING should be swept under the carpet . This may involve crying, laughter, grief, periods of highs and lows. There is nothing wrong with going to a professional (counsellor or therapist) for guidance.


5. Take ownership of your actions, reactions and words of the past, which still seem to follow you. Understand their consequences and take note of their lessons.


7. Look in the mirror and point out all the things you like and dislike about your body. Work towards loving those areas EXACTLY as they are. I bet as you start to really love your Self, your body will start to change and look better. NOTE: Everything we feel manifests itself physically – our bodies reflect what we feel. Often this shows as a noticeable outwards physical change to others and ourselves (NO, I am not talking about silicone breast implants the size of basketballs here!), and sometimes it’s an inward physical or physiological change that only we can feel (you have pain everywhere and there is no explanation that your doctor can find for it through any tests he or she has run). It’s important to become aware of our Self – body, mind, spirit, emotions are all interconnected.

8. Be honest with yourself. The truth may not be very pretty but until you face it, you won’t make any progress.


10. Embrace the change this journey will bring to your life. Know that not everyone will stay with you, and that’s okay. Be aware that there are no shortcuts and sometimes you’ll feel like you’ve reached a plateau but that’s just a small ‘break’ until you have to move on to the next part.

Last few things I need to point out are important.

Remember how you got to where you are right now. Recognize what or whom you allowed to help you lose you. We’re all only human so forgive yourself.

Know that our work on our Self is never really over. And it’s not supposed to be. We’re meant to make mistakes and learn from them in order to grow and become better. But also know that once you love yourself, it doesn’t mean that’s it and you can sign off on journey as ‘completed’. It doesn’t work like that. As long as you’re breathing, you have a choice of living. And you’re not completely living unless you’re loving. And you can’t love anyone else until you love yourself FIRST, AT ALL TIMES, ALWAYS.

One Love,


I AM Here!

I am here. Breathing. Seeing. Hearing. Feeling. Observing. Feeling. Reflecting. Feeling. I am here.

I wasn’t planned by my parents so in a way, you could say that I was a ‘mistake’. But they choose to give me the greatest gift – LIFE. I breathe. I am here.

I open my eyes and watch the rise of the sun while the moon sets and I think, “Look at that! I live to see another day!”. It is amazing because I am here to see it. I am here.

I close my eyes and I hear life. It’s happening all around me. The trees sway their branches while housing the birds who chirp and sing the most beautiful morning song. I listen. The mindful trees and birds are embracing me in their circle and making me feel their vocal hug. I am here.

Inside of me, my heart is beating and as I close my eyes, I observe its position. Quickly, I realize that it’s never alone for it’s surrounded by layers of protection which form almost a tunnel that allows the echo of its beat to be felt. I feel its strengths and high points but as I observe more carefully I hear its pains, fears, regrets and disappointments. But I feel it. I am here.

I open my eyes and look up at the ceiling and I reflect on its imperfections. I don’t need a mirror for the ceiling is reflecting back all of what I break myself down to be – imperfect. There are so many imperfections that the more time I spend reflecting the more they all blend into one amazing roof over my head which has come to me at the cost of experience. I feel as if it’s a lot to deal with but the sun is shining bright, the birds are still chirping, my heart is still beating and I am reminded…..I am here.

I could stop there, couldn’t I? For I breathe, I see, I hear, I observe and above all, I feel all….but am I really feeling all? I sit up and put a hand over my chest. Somewhere deep inside, there is a voice of light. It’s warm and comforting. It’s a slew of colours, sounds and shapes. I can’t quite decide which way to look at it or feel it for it comes to me when I’m at my lowest of lows. It has no limits and it is as intense and free as I need it to be. Am I controlling it or is it controlling me? I close my eyes and that is when I realize. Its name is love. I smile and allow my hand to fall by my side. My eyelids open and I realize that that is what I am here for – love! Love for me and for all that I do. Love for life, breath, sight, hearing, and love for all things which bring me back to me and remind me that I truly AM here.

“We can always choose to perceive things differently.You can focus on what’s wrong in your life, or you can focus on what’s right.” ~ Marianne Williamson


It’s A Start…

Trevi Fountain, Roma 2011

We sit here in depth

conversing about life and its deaths,

love and regrets,

it’s battles and pains,

knowing full well it’s really in its beginning stages.

You look at me

with eyes filled with tears,

for the pain inside of you

has only now been given the permission

to come out and show through

the facade of the ego,

which has kept you cold and cool…

yet confused and overwhelmed…

lost and needy….

alone and lonely….

giving yet driven.

Turns out

you’ve got years of life

to feel, sort through, forgive and let go of.

It’s going to be a lot of work,


You do have to go through it all,

just take it slow.

Become The Alchemist

of your heart’s truth!

Your treasure awaits

and next to it

are the open arms of your

true soul mate.




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