Tag Archives: letting go
This poem is for every person,
who is scared, that there may not be
something even better out there.
When the heart is in your throat,
Where does your voice go?
I wonder, darling,
Do you love me enough,
to let me go?
To let me be?
To leave me in my flight of life?
The truth is so clear to me:
What we had was special,
But I taste the lack of lifetime in it,
Every time I think of it.
Even though I know,
You still haven’t fully let go of it,
It’s not something I can help you do,
It’s a choice;
An understanding and respect of love.
A knowing that one must let go of a love,
Because love is free,
Perhaps it’s not easy for you to see this,
but I must let you know:
only in springtime.
Just like my love for you,
It bloomed only once.
Our love, was never my lifetime.
We are done now,
Have been for a while,
So let it go;
Let me be.
I am a bird in the sky.
I was meant to be free.
I hope you figure out
your own flight,
and soar the skies,
enjoy the horizons.
It’s beautiful up here.
Go on, love.
We are both free.
I suppose that sometimes the most obvious choice to make, is the hardest. You can’t exactly see it clearly until you’ve truly let go, and distanced your Self from it. Completely.
Real life stories of dealings with addiction gave birth to this poem.
One life. One love.
“You’ve got to learn to leave the table, when love’s no longer being served.”~Nina Simone
“When you come from trauma, survival seems like self-care.”~Afra Karen
It was Sunday.
I awoke to find her looking at me.
I held her gaze for a long while before she spoke.
Her eyes spoke of love and sadness;
her voice, heavy with emotions.
“I realized this past July
that I met my best friend
and the love of my life
a few years back.
It wasn’t the right time for us then,
nor was it the right time for us now,
but every time I saw his face,
met his eyes,
I simply knew that there was something there…
there was something there that I could see
– a secret –
which I didn’t understand back then.
Anyway, this summer we got to hang out.
Just him and I.
Quality one-on-one time.
And we talked.
Our hearts danced.
Shed tears with each other.
Made love in the form of art.
Or is art created only by making love?
I guess that piece shall remain a mystery to me.
I knew from the beginning that I couldn’t be in a relationship with him.
He just wasn’t ready for me then…
I doubt he’s ready for me now.
I’ve cried so many times
listening to his stories,
feeling his pain,
observing his attempt
at the escape
of what he felt.
Distancing myself was hard in the beginning.
I knew that he was draining me
but I couldn’t make sense of walking away completely.
I didn’t want to.
He didn’t want me to.
Truth is I missed him every day.
I shed thousands of tears since our last embrace.
But it’s not the fact that we’re not together
that makes me sad.
It’s the fact that I’ve lost my best friend,
to a drug.
Tho, looking back now,
he wasn’t such a great friend at times.
Addiction truly is hard….and selfish.
In my heart, there is sincere hope that he will get better,
an infinite belief because I know that
if he wants to he can.
I used to wish that I could talk to him,
hear his voice every day,
sometimes I still feel that way,
but his voice of addiction is always so loud.
So I remain,
with the knowledge that I won’t ever again BE,
with this incredible man
because his path of choice included addiction
in whose presence I could not remain.”
I felt her heart,
watched her cry as she shared her truth with me.
I turned away for a moment,
just to gather my thoughts,
to be able to comfort her,
even share a few words.
But when I looked back,
I met my own eyes in the mirror,
filled with tears.
Only the knowledge that I saved ME, comforted me.
I have come to realize that we often put people in a square or a category when we first meet them, just based on what they say and/or do. It’s kind of like deciding for the other person the capacity in which they are able to be in our life instead of actually giving someone a chance to show us who they are and what they’re about, what role they are able to, and are willing to, play in our life.
I’ll be the first to say that I’ve done this. I think it’s a defense mechanism but it actually is a very fear-driven thing to do. We’re always intrigued when we first meet someone by whatever it is about him or her that caught our attention in the first place, and drove us to wanting to get to know that person. But then we place stipulations on them on what they could be to us, via pre-conceived notions we’ve formulated based on what we’ve been shown and what we’ve seen growing up, and in our personal adult experiences… (BTW, I am referring to any type of relationship here – be it platonic, familial or non-platonic.)
I think that, as individuals, we are all somewhat scared to be vulnerable with others. Yes, it opens us up to the possibility of getting hurt, but it also creates the potential of developing nurturing and mindful relationships with others. Yet the walls we keep around our Selves not only impede that, but also deflect the gifts the other person comes bearing (be it friendship, an opportunity to create, love, etc.). And so we end up getting stuck in this never-ending cycle of amazing people knocking on our doors and us never fully allowing them the opportunity to show us all these gifts they come bearing. Often we are so focused on who they could potentially be to us, what we could get out of such a relationship, the reason why we’ve crossed paths, trying to figure out if they’re a reason, a season or a lifetime, etc. that it distracts us from the present moment but it also leads to one or all of the following:
1) It puts people into a box with respect to the capacity they are able to be in our life.
2) It puts pressure on the actual relationship to be something other than what it is.
3) It creates a relationship with limited growth potential of either individual and of the relationship itself.
I do believe that a huge part of growing up is letting go – of viewing the world with the same set of eyes, of how we’ve imagined things should be, of ideas we’ve held onto since childhood about how things ‘should be’ – and actually focusing on what is. It is not necessary to have it all figured out when you meet someone. It is actually mindful to pay attention to that person – their habits, their needs…whatever it is that they choose to share with you – and create with them the type of relationship that is nurturing to both of you, whatever that means or entails.
Be open to more.
I am sad for you.
You’ve entered a lonely space.
It seems apparent to me now,
that you are not a person of your word…
the words which left your mouth
when we used to talk were really empty…
no real meaning except
to fill the silence which
you didn’t know how to live with.
I don’t know how someone can be so cold,
to pass by someone
who shared their time with you,
let you into their life,
and you pass right by them and say nothing?
Like none of that ever existed?
The only logical explanation
is that you really never cared at all.
You just filled up the silence
with words you never meant.
But now the silence is loud…
because the person who let you in,
has said a silent Good Bye.
You have hurt them,
more than they’ll ever let you know,
but it will always show
for, unlike you, they had feelings
and cared for real.
I hope you find peace in this place
within which you’ve isolated yourself.
It’s ironic that this poem exists
for you never wanted to become
a topic or a reason
for me to write this.
It must be hard looking in the mirror every day
knowing you lied…
except I doubt you’ve spent much time
with the person who looks back at you
with those sad, lonely eyes.
You hide it well behind that beautiful smile,
but I wonder how long you’ll keep doing that?
Staying busy –
Never dealing with any of it?
I see you’re just breathing right now.
***inspired by Nas – Bye Baby http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtOOPt98iPc