Tag Archives: Grandparent

My Biggest Heartbreak

RIP Marko Bilela

I walked up the stairs of my childhood,

And it was the first time that it made me sad.

The memories that they hold are beautiful…

They are the greatest treasures of my heart.

It is not my return to them which is driving my tears.

It is the fact that you’re no longer at the top of the stairs,

smiling and waiting for me.


I walk into the room I saw you last,

The room where you took your very last breath,

And I sob for all of that you meant to me and to us all…

I cry for all of those who you left.

For they didn’t understand you

Nor did they feel what I felt.


Your trust in me gave me strength

And it humbled me to my core.

It came from a place of unconditional love

A connection that was strong between us, very strong.


I wish I had seen you again…

At least once before your soul left your body.

To hug you and talk to you for a little while,

To spend a few hours…just a little bit of time.


Here I am now standing in the room you took your last breath

Praying that you knew how I really felt.

I stand here sending you my love,

Knowing that it’s not enough

As the tears keep falling down my face

And I can no longer run for comfort into your embrace.


To the best grandfather anyone could have,

Please visit me in my dreams sometime….

So I can tell you how much your love shaped me,

and all of that it meant.

So I can walk with you once more,

sit close to you or just hold your hand.


I know my tears won’t bring you back

But they fall every time you cross my mind.

I hope that you are at peace now…

As I know you’re watching over grandma.


Baka ♥

I’ve not seen you in years

and you’ve changed.

Your hair is white now

it’s no longer gray.

You seem shorter and slower in your movements

but your face is still the same –

beautiful with only a few more wrinkles you got from laughing and smiling anyway.

I remember as a kid

you’d chase us around

when we were bad,

disciplined us and showed us how to behave.

But now I’m holding on to your hand

to keep you steady as you walk

instead of a walker or a cane.

When we were young and summer or winter holidays came

and our parents were too busy to keep us entertained

You took us with you and loved us in your warm grandmother way.

Breakfasts of tea and slices of bread with honey and butter spread.

Lunches were fairly elaborate and included home-made soup, salad and main course

a la love, grandmother’s special.

When we asked for something different

You did your best to provide and come through

Just to make us feel happy and…

maybe to keep us a little quieter too!

Your love for us shone and was always strong.

I remember it so well.

Those pictures are stored in my memory

and are dear to my heart.

Now we are taking pictures and I wonder,

Will this be the last one we take?

You’re getting older

and it’s hard for me to see you often

since we live on different continents.

So I stay in this now and cherish every laugh, hug, new memory made.

You may be my grandmother but I feel close to you…

sometimes closer than I feel to my own mother.

You truly are the greatest grandmother anyone could have

and I’m so happy , lucky and proud to call you my



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