Category Archives: Music

between the notes

Photo © T.Nikic, 2013.



noun si·lence \ˈsī-lən(t)s\
  1. 1:  forbearance from speech or noise :  muteness —often used interjectionally

  2. 2:  absence of sound or noise :  stillness in the silence of the night

  3. 3:  absence of mention: a :  oblivion, obscurity b :  secrecy weapons research was conducted in silence



Sometimes it’s the silence between the notes

Which makes the song.

The pause, which allows the note before

And the note after it

To be heard and understood.

We write songs in our daily lives

Often without knowing it.

We pause before replying,

We walk away,

We breathe.

It’s what determines the song’s melody.

If I had to tell you

What my last song was about

I’d say it was about fears

And that it’s important we face them.

It’s about wounds and scars,

Covered up and bound with

Band-Aids and bandages

Which, at some point,

Need to be ripped off.

It’s about being present,

In the moment,

Without definition, expectation or direction,

Where one exists as they are.

It’s about staying in the moment

And trusting that that space will evolve,



Grant life, beauty.

It’s about meeting another’s gaze,

Without looking away,

Not being scared of that sacred space.

It’s about SOULfood

Where freedom exists

And there are no limits

Placed on humanity

Or creativity

Or BEing.

When one song ends,

The silence before the first note of the next

Will surely be of influence.

And when the new song starts

Listen carefully,

Because it just might be the song

Which becomes the oyster shell

For your heart.

A Song Broken Down…

Any form of art we create, has its own life, which is carried by those who receive it with any of their senses. Its life lies in connection with a memory, feelings, a recognition of, and a relation to past experience(s) of the person who is engaging with it, be it via visual or auditory (or taste etc) stimulation. We are human beings. What makes us truly human, in my opinion, is our ability to FEEL. Emotions, feelings, are part of our human experience.

Photo ©T.Nikic, 2012
Photo ©T.Nikic, 2012

A very important side note: Our souls don’t ‘feel’. Our souls are a distinct energy which allows us to develop a spiritual awareness during our human experience. We are able to ‘recognize’ souls we’ve met in a previous life or those souls we are inherently connected to (i.e. soul mates). But our souls, even at the moment of recognition of another, do not have the experience of FEELING. However, our humanity does. Our souls simply experience an elevation of the vibrational frequency of their energy at this time. That’s something we as humans can FEEL as part of our human experience, but our souls just have an energy ex/change. That is all.

Why am I talking about art, souls and the ability to feel as part of our human experience?? Because of a song I just stumbled upon. Yes, it’s that deep. Why am I going to the extreme of writing a blog post about it? Because it matters and because I recognize our human tendencies of getting caught up in emotions which can subsequently lead to an emotional roller coaster ride. Remember Adele’s Someone Like You? Whitney Houston’s I Will Always Love You? Or even bits of Rihanna’s Stay ft. Mikky Ekko? If experienced in a misinterpretation, rather in a state of being that is in an uncentered emotional turmoil, those songs could lead to a prolonging of (or the creation of) an attachment to a feeling which is fleeting, as all feelings are. ALL FEELINGS ARE FLEETING. This song, to me, is a more mature, aware, grownup, male version. Oh you’re wondering what song I’m talking about? Read on, please. 🙂

When I first listened to it, I found the song, like parts of the aforementioned songs, ego based, because initially I felt that it was written from a space where there was an attachment to a person/feeling (as the songs above were). However, after watching the video, and listening to the song on repeat for a few hours, just reflecting and connecting to it, I realized that (or interpreted that) this piece of art was rooted in honesty. I felt that it wasn’t a song about longing for a lost love but a realization that one missed out on the experience of love because he did not allow himself to be vulnerable. He realized too late that his fears and ego prevented him from experiencing LOVE, because he was scared, for whatever reason, and now he is in this melancholy, not regretful, but a very mindful state of awareness: TO EXPERIENCE LOVE, WE MUST BE VULNERABLE WITH ANOTHER, AND OVERCOME OUR FEARS.

In relationships with another, irrelevant of the intensity of the connection, we have to be emotionally naked in order to truly experience LOVE, with another. After all, in order to receive a hug, we must give a hug. The difficulty for some lies in showing love, but more often than that, it lies in difficulty in receiving love, of ‘allowing’ another to love us. The reasons for this can be complex and are often rooted in our childhood ‘misinterpretation’ of love. But it basically boils down to feeling unworthy of someone loving us. That’s a painful and damaging lie we carry with us, unknowingly sometimes. This song, as simple as the lyrics are, describes that realization, of the fact that he did not experience that closeness with her because he couldn’t go there with her, on an emotional level. His ego led him to think that she’d come running back to him, but she found happiness with someone who wasn’t scared to go THERE – to be open, and honest, and vulnerable on an emotional, spiritual and mental level. He held on to that ‘ego thought’ until he realized that the reason it didn’t work out between them, was because of his fears and ego holding him back from that soul baring nakedness, that is needed to experience such closeness with another human being. He is grieving the death of his fears, as he realizes that those fears are what was ‘killing’ him, his spirit, and his ability to experience LOVE, with another.

I have shared my breakdown of this song because I wanted to remind all of us that in order to experience LOVE with another, we MUST not just be vulnerable and courageous enough to love another, but also be vulnerable and courageous in allowing another to love us. I wrote this because I want to see people engaged in mindful, loving, and emotionally fulfilling relationships, myself included. Of course there is more to relationships than this – they take work. But imagine if we based them on, and built them in a sacred space of honesty, vulnerability, and soul baring nakedness? I bet there’d be more happy people walking around…

Love liberates. Love doesn’t bind. Love liberates.

And no, it will not eradicate powerful art. If anything, it may feed and fuel the creation of more art, that’s even more touching and powerful.

Oh and about the song that inspired this post? Click here to hear it.

Peace and love,



I’ve been practicing Bikram hot yoga (at Bikram Hot Yoga Center ) since September 2009. Not consistently or as frequently as I’d have liked to, but nevertheless, I feel that it has been challenging, engaging and beneficial enough to my body, spirit and overall well-being, that I’ve attended the 90-minute classes (held in a  40 degree Celsius room of about 40 percent humidity), for almost five years. And it’s no small feat to captivate my interest for that long – I LOVE being challenged and this yoga practice is very challenging.


I receive the BYC email newsletter and in the most recent one, I saw that two intermediate classes with music were added to the schedule. With music, captivated me. In fact, when I went to practice a few days ago, I asked a teacher if I’d be eligible to take it, and when he said yes, I immediately made the commitment to my Self, and to him, to attend.


Today, was the very first class offered at an intermediate level with music at BYC. Was I excited? Yes. Was I nervous? Yes. Was I scared? Absolutely! Even after all those Bikram yoga classes I’ve attended, I still did not feel as if I could always get into the deepest expressions of some of the postures nor have I ever done a head stand. But I stuck to with music and that helped me calm my nerves down…a little bit.


Unlike regular Bikram yoga classes, this one did not have verbal instruction, but we all were to move in unison with our instructor. It was simply incredible to practice yoga in synergy and with music which included Hindu chants, prayers and songs of Shri, Krishna Das, as well as the music of the band Stars, Leonard Cohen, Eva Cassidy and Dan Gibson! The absence of verbal instruction and correction from the teacher made me feel more accountable to my own Self awareness – body, posture and position, as well as mind/thought and feeling. The few new postures which are a part of this class were challenging but surprisingly enough, I was able to do most of them…except for the head stand. I mean I did try to set it up, and even though it was something I’ve always wanted to be able to do, it was just too scary for me to do it on my own, for the first time, in this class.

The group of us who attended the class, were told at the very beginning to bring our mats in towards our instructor, as we were meant to be much closer together than in a regular class. Somehow my yoga mat ended up directly in front of the EXIT sign and door. After the standing series, I was faced with that EXIT sign every time I laid down for the Shavasana. I started thinking about the word itself. EXIT goes with escape, with letting go, with some form of freedom. And I realized that I did not allow my Self to EXIT my own thoughts which made me apprehensive about doing or attempting something new, something different, something scary. Although there were other things in my life this applied to, in this case, that was a head stand. Well, remember how I told you that I love challenges? I asked for some help and this is what happened:

I did it!

I did it! (Source BYC Instagram page)

I realize how powerful our thoughts are – they can help us face our fears or nurture them. I chose to literally EXIT the realm of CAN’T, with music, and some help. Like the mural at the BYC studio states: “Be afraid not of growing slowly, Be only afraid of standing still.”



One Day, It MUST All Make Sense…

It’s past my bedtime…kind of. I’m sitting up in my bed, with my old laptop on one leg (can’t have both legs go numb…yes my laptop is quite old…but it works!), and with my hair still wet from my shower, I am reflecting. Looking outside of my window, I’ve decided that mother nature is creating some kind of a winter wonderland that we’ll all wake up to. If I look up from my laptop, a painting I bought in India a few years ago, greets me. Even as I write “a few years ago” (which it actually was), I shock my Self, because that trip to India seemed to have happened a lifetime ago. In fact, this entire year, feels like it encompassed more than a few…at  least to me.

I can’t speak for everyone else, but I know that for me, 2013 was a tough one. As I reflect back on it, I am still in awe that so much had happened. And yet I am able to look back in pride and say that I DID IT! I not only survived but in some ways, I thrived! And I can honestly say Thank You and FAREWELL! without any regrets, sadness or anger. I’ve learned a lot, and I’d like to share my lessons with you. I’ll list them. Maybe you’ll find something good in them. Maybe you’ll want someone you know to read them. In either case, I am sharing them here, and wishing YOU a VERY Happy New Year!

Much love!



– finding forgiveness in your heart for whomever hurt you, gives you your power back

– the universe nurtures and protects you when you listen to your heart

– connections with others can come about randomly and unexpectedly, but relationships only willingly

– know your worth and speak your truth

– secrets erode relationships along with your mental health – free your Self of the burden and start healing

– it doesn’t make sense to keep doing what you’ve always done when you’ve learned and grown from who you were before

– if you want it, go for it

– learn to let go…and learn to listen to your Self on WHEN to do so

– NOTHING is promised or guaranteed – not even this moment – find gratitude in everything

– you have to learn to save your Self…often from Your Self

– do you

– there are some really amazing people out there

– not everyone is, nor has to be your friend

– people come to your life for a reason, season or a lifetime – know when to end a season tactfully

– listen to your intuition

– there is nothing wrong with seeking help of a professional (counselor etc) to help you deal or get through something

– family isn’t perfect but that won’t make it or break it – communication, respect and effort (or lack thereof) will

– addiction kills spirits – of the addict but especially of those who allow the addict in their circle

– know and state your boundaries when needed – those who care will respect them

– laughter. is. necessary.

– love can happen when you least expect it but don’t use it as a reason to knowingly start a going-nowhere relationship

– there is SO MUCH MORE to relationships than love

– love DOES NOT make a relationship

– crying is a good release

– do what you love – everything else is secondary

– be with people who make you feel good – anyone else is unnecessary

– don’t be afraid to face your fears – you grow and become so much better as a result

– a good hug goes a long way

– when you follow the truth in your heart, the universe helps to guide you to your dreams

– there are omens for everything

– stop and take in the sights, sounds and (SOMETIMES) scents around you

– take pride in your work

– stand for something

– love. just love.

– honesty really is the way to go

– know your worth

– being present alleviates the stress over what was, and the uncertainty of what will, be

– being present in each moment of now is tough but extremely rewarding and fulfilling

– what often hurts us the most is not expressing our Selves AND the thought of how something SHOULD be

– heart smiles are wonderful





Slow Dance

Nat King Cole’s voice, his music, his words, make my day better when I hear him. 

It makes sense it’s interwoven into a dream, right?

Dance well.



I want to slow dance
While Nat King Cole plays
In the background
With my best friend…
In our living room….
Amidst the chaos the day has left behind –
Toys, bibs, papers, – the results of lives
Our love has created.
I want to look into the eyes of my best friend
Before we embrace for our slow dance
And see his heart, his pain, his soul, his love….
I want to still see myself.
As he holds me close,
I want to rest my head on his shoulder
To take in his comforting familiar scent,
In gratitude,
And remember all that it took
For us,
To get to that present moment,
With the knowledge that it was all worth it.
I want to slow dance with my best friend…


Listen here:


2013 has been a strange one for many of us. I keep seeing people getting into situations with a common theme – mainly many are still holding on to their pains, not working through them, and it’s preventing them from moving forward.

Love, is a strange thing, isn’t it? It lifts you and holds you and inspires you and comforts you and cradles you, if you let it. I’m not saying there is a relationship out there that is perfect. I’m just saying that love IS that IT which elevates. 

I think we disregard the importance of loving another and embracing being loved, too often. 

Have you ever asked your Self what’s holding you back?



PS I wrote this in the feminine realm but please know, it applies to both men and women.


I see you’ve been struggling to embrace her as she IS.

I see that you’ve been breaking her down in your mind,

So that you avoid feeling anything.

Break her down if you wish

But she IS the trees that give you shade,

On that hot summer day,

Their leaves feeding and sustaining your life.

She IS in the oceans and the rivers,

That host forms of life you’ve only ever read about,

Interconnected and intertwined in her earth,

Flowing all around you.

She IS the earth, upon which you’ve built your house,

Holding it up.

She IS the sun and the moon

Who greet you when you awaken in the morning

And bid you good night.

She IS the wind helping to guide your flight.

She has comforted you and been there for you.

She IS waiting for you to heal your wounded wings

And fly with her in the sky.

But you go ahead and keep trying to break her down.

You’ve been advised to spend your time

And direct your energy towards your healing

For a while now, by your heart.

She believes in you and knows that you can.

She has never given up on you.

She will be here when you’re ready,

Hopefully you won’t find her flying with somebody else then.

She IS.



She IS.


Justin Timberlake – Not A Bad Thing & Pair Of Wings (starts at 5:28)

Acrylics on canvas. Thoughts are my own. Painting is as well. 2012

Acrylics on canvas.
Thoughts are my own.
Painting is as well. T

Bye Bye

I am sad for you.

You’ve entered a lonely space.

It seems apparent to me now,

that you are not a person of your word…

the words which left your mouth

when we used to talk were really empty…

no real meaning except

to fill the silence which

you didn’t know how to live with.

I don’t know how someone can be so cold,

to pass by someone

who shared their time with you,

let you into their life,

their space,

and you pass right by them and say nothing?

Like none of that ever existed?

The only logical explanation

is that you really never cared at all.

You just filled up the silence

with words you never meant.

But now the silence is loud…

because the person who let you in,

has said a silent Good Bye.

You have hurt them,

more than they’ll ever let you know,

but it will always show

for, unlike you, they had feelings

and cared for real.

I hope you find peace in this place

within which you’ve isolated yourself.

It’s ironic that this poem exists

for you never wanted to become

a topic or a reason

for me to write this.

It must be hard looking in the mirror every day

knowing you lied…

except I doubt you’ve spent much time

with the person who looks back at you

with those sad, lonely eyes.

You hide it well behind that beautiful smile,

but I wonder how long you’ll keep doing that?

Staying busy –

Never dealing with any of it?

I see you’re just breathing right now.

***inspired by Nas – Bye Baby

For you…

Are you scared of me?

Or am I scared of you?

In this moment, I’m not sure what to do.

I feel at a crossroads of sorts…

My heart feels

what my mind directs it to

and all of these emotions and feelings

somehow seem misplaced

and monstrous.

I find them overwhelming.

I want to let go and move forward

but it seems my every step forward is blocked.

It’s as if I cannot keep going

until I acknowledge what I’m feeling.

Until I give them a channel to leave.

And I’m not sure what that channel is exactly…

Is it in my dance?

My painting?

My song?

My writing?

Or my poetry?

Maybe the key is in all of those,

and I guess I won’t know

unless I open up a channel,

and allow these feelings to flow.

I may need your hand,

for I’m not sure I’m all that strong

to feel what I’ve buried deep within

a lifetime ago.

I don’t know how I’ll react,

or where I’ll go,

where it will lead me,

where you’ll be.

But I’ll come and find you

and hold you,

for you, my dear soul,

are beautiful.

I love you.

Remain strong.

Tomorrow’s promise is brighter than you know.


The End…or The Beginning?

I have noticed a great number of people in my life (myself included) who experienced a low of sorts, like a really bad downer, which shook their world so hard that they ‘fell’. And during their ‘fall’ they actually came to see the value of the downer for all of its lessons and the resulting growth.

On one of my trips to NYC last year, I came across a quote I wrote down:

“There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.”~Louis L’Amour

Initially, after reading it, I wasn’t absolutely sure that I fully understood it, but the universe is funny because it shows you all that you need to, or want to learn. In my latest spiritual growth spurt I feel that I came across a few situations which helped me understand what Mr L’Amour really meant and although I won’t give you examples (I don’t feel I need to, do you? 😉 ) I’ll give you my interpretation but I’d LOVE to read yours!

I feel that all of this is a matter of perspective and CHOICE. We choose what we see and it really depends on (and I’m referencing my friend B here) mind, heart and/or spiritual state that we’re in. Make sure that you read that again – mind, heart and/or spiritual state – which will alter our perspective: ‘Is it partly cloudy or partly SUNNY?’. Another layer of this, in my opinion, is BELIEF. You really have to have faith in what you want, in the truth in your heart, believe in it and believe in what it is that you’re doing. Can you envision your future with the kind of lifestyle that you’re leading now and do you believe that it will last and take you to the heights of your personal goals? And the last bit of it is really just life and experience. We do have to live in order to learn but again learning is a choice too. It’s kind of like that really perfect apple that you bite into that’s just the right amount of sweetness, freshness and crispiness – you wouldn’t have been able to appreciate it had you not bit into or even eaten a few bad ones (we all have our own way of learning, right?).

One thing we must always remember, no matter what we’re going through, weather it’s good or bad is that THIS, too, shall pass. Change is inevitable and I suppose that’s another thing Mr L’Amour was referring to as well.

On a personal note, I’d just like to express my gratitude to YOU for reading my thoughts.

Much love,


The Dwayne Morgan Experience…

Monday, August 15th, 2011.

I woke up feeling great! My day started with a Green Goodness smoothie and the gym. After a great workout I was off to work! I had a good day at work actually although I was feeling a little tired towards the end of it. It was raining some that day but when I got home and looked out of my window, I saw an actual, beautiful rainbow in the clouds!

arainbowintheclouds ♥

After dinner, I started getting ready to head out to an evening of poetry with Dwayne Morgan. I had known about the event for a few weeks and although I had the intention of getting an advance ticket ($5 cheaper than at the door fee), I had to play it by ear as I was on-call and my being able to go was solely dependent on my pager not going off. Although I was tired, I decided to take a chance and go – I had wanted to attend a spoken word event for a while.

I was pleasantly surprised that I didn’t have to wait for the streetcar like I usually do! It was especially great as it had started to rain. The connecting bus was waiting as I got off the streetcar – I got to Lula Lounge in no time really!

As I walked in, I was greeted with smiles. I greeted the ‘door woman’ with a hello and she asked if I had an advanced ticket. I said no and she said “Well I have one here for you. Someone was not able to attend so here you go!”. I paid her, thanked her and thought how amazing it was that that happened! A sign of that which was meant to be maybe?

A waitress asked me where I would like to sit and I explained to her that I was riding solo tonight (didn’t tell her how often I do that) and that it didn’t matter to me…I got a table in the front, next to the booth where Kim Davis, T. Ana Cole and Dwayne Morgan’s backup singers sat. 🙂

I ordered a green tea and sat there thinking, how happy I was to be there. Sitting at the table to my left was a man and a woman who could have been on a date or just old friends but I couldn’t help overhearing them discuss different concerts which took place in Toronto that they missed. When they mentioned Sade and Janet Jackson, I almost told them about my blog on both but decided against it – they were having a private conversation and I wasn’t there to promote my own work but enjoy someone else’s.

Miss T. Ana Cole 15/08/2011

T. Ana Cole started the show festivities with her performance. I had not heard of her before, but I sure won’t forget her name now! What a beautiful woman with a lovely voice! She ended her set with a song called “Rainbow”!  (See link:  )

Kim Davis opening for Mr Brian McKnight 13/02/2011 in Toronto

Next was Kim Davis who I’ve had the pleasure of hearing live when she opened for Brian Macknight in Toronto. She took a seat and with the backing of keys, blessed those of us in attendance with her powerful and incredible voice. She was glowing as she gushed “I’m getting married in a few weeks!” prior to singing Alicia Keys cover “No One”. (See links:  & )

Mr Morgan performing at his 18th Anniversary show 15/08/2011

Mr Morgan took the stage after his band and back-up singers were in place. Wearing some kick-a** red kicks, he recited poems which made the crowd laugh, think, remember, feel and smile. It was such an enjoyable experience for me – I felt uplifted and somehow “in my element”. It truly was a great show and a wonderful evening. I encourage everyone to support your local Toronto talent for this city sure has a lot! (See links:  & )

The show ended and I made my way to the exit, stopping only to shake hands with Mr Morgan and thank him. After taking a picture together, I bid him good-night and went out in search of a taxi. Of course, since luck was on my side that evening, I hired one within a few minutes. The taxi driver must have thought I was either high or drunk as I wore a huge smile on my face during the entire drive.

I went to sleep that night thinking how beautiful the moon looked outside of my bedroom window as the moonlight kissed my face, feeling nothing but joy in my heart.


The following day I awoke feeling happy and uplifted and those feelings held strong throughout my entire day. Lying in my bed that night, not being able to get to sleep right away got me thinking about this “high” that I was feeling. I thought, just like everything else, this too shall pass so I better enjoy each moment and my now.

I reached for my phone and looked at the date – it read “Tues, Aug 16” and then it hit me – yesterday, Monday August 15th, was my second “Me, Myself & I” anniversary!

It has been two years since I’ve chosen to become, and have been, a single woman. Two years since I moved out on my own. Two years since I started learning myself and began my soul-searching journey. Two years of being happy and getting back to T. Two years of learning how to love myself again. In the last two years I’ve traveled on this personal journey which included “Me, Myself & I”, and not even realizing it, I celebrated and marked it with an evening of soulfood – MY soulfood – realness, truth, self-love, art and music.

I’m so grateful for my life and everyone who has walked through, left or stayed in it.

Peace and love to all of you.


%d bloggers like this: