I flew.

© T.Nikic, 2017.

There is beauty in fullness, but there is also beauty in emptiness. When you feel joy, love, peace, connection, you feel full. Of course, it is beautiful. But when you are empty of trauma, fear, doubt, emotional knots, distracting thoughts, that is beautiful too.

I have worked hard to feel full, my entire life. Thankfully, it wasn’t something that was incredibly hard for the most part, for I’ve had a happy childhood and I was loved unconditionally. I grew up with a soul mate, my dedo (grandfather), who was the first soul mate I ever met. Imagine the depth of that connection, that love. It was much joy and peace. He was a big part of why I felt full as a child, and is still a big reason of why I feel full as an adult, although he has passed some years ago.

****

I’d like to be frank with you, for perhaps you could even relate – I am an imperfect human being who has been searching for a certain connection my entire adult life. (A retrospective awareness.) I always felt that there was something inside me that was preventing me from experiencing that. With my dedo, that connection was strong for there was a trust that was built between us, since my birth, which is why that connection still exists to this day.

Of course, not everyone deserves a backstage pass to our life, however, I’ve not been able to let anyone else love me unconditionally, nor have I been able to let someone know me completely, perhaps ever. I don’t know how you’ve experienced life, but for me, I have worked hard to learn, to grow, to improve, to become better, to give more, to elevate, and despite all of that work, I still could not allow connection.

I could not ALLOW connection. (A retrospective awareness.)

I did not realize I had to do this in order to heal, but I have worked hard for my emptiness as well. It’s been a journey I’ve subconsciously been preparing for for at least four years, though I had no idea I was doing it then. My most intentional work to emptiness began at the end of March of this year – on a Saturday night when I stepped out of my comfort zone. (A retrospective awareness.)

****

On a crisp night in March, I went to a bar. I do not go to bars because I do not drink very much and if I do, a few sips of wine get me pretty tipsy. (I know some would call me a ‘cheap date’, but I’d like to just put it out there that I do require a good-energy investment.) However, that night, I went to a random bar and experienced some kind of magic. You see, that night, I entered into this beautiful, peaceful, loving, safe space with a complete stranger, and it felt like home. We simply and effortlessly conversed over the music while looking into each other’s eyes. I do not remember his face or his hair or his height from that night, only his eyes. It was everything I had been searching for and asking from the universe.

If I close my eyes right now, the energy of that space still resonates in parts, deep within me. In that space, I saw colours and stars, and heard the most beautiful music, and I painted the most creative pictures, I’ve ever painted. It was limitless and ever evolving, and my soul was all in. And that space I experienced with a kind stranger, in a random bar, on a Saturday night in March, inspired me and motivated me to heal, because the following few times that I had an opportunity to be around this kind soul with whom I created this space with, I could not allow connection with him. I could not understand why I was pushing this person away, nor could I fully understand why I could not just allow the connection to grow. And it bothered me. It made me feel like, the work I’ve done to heal and grow and become better, wasn’t enough. But mostly, it make me feel like, I wasn’t enough. (A retrospective awareness.)

****

The thing is, this I path chose to walk in order to heal, which I chose for my journey, was very intuitive. It was scary and it made me step outside every possible comfort zone I have, but at the same time, it was right. It’s hard for me to describe my healing, without sounding vague, but the truth is, what I chose to partake in, in order to heal, was what made sense to me, and what called to me. (I do not want to sell my choices to anyone, but I’m happy to share my experience – just leave/send me a message with your email address.)

© T.Nikic, 2017.

 

Here is what I will share:

I have come to learn that, in order to heal, you have to let go of what no longer serves you. That may include letting go of or ending relationships and friendship which no longer feel good, ending self-destructive habits, wisely choosing your thoughts, creating a practice of making mindful choices, being selective of what you ingest physically, mentally, and spiritually, being mindful of what you share on social media, becoming aware of your space and how you feel in it…it could mean letting go of, and becoming aware of, many things. The process of letting go, can be long, scary and painful, however, it is part of the journey. The way you let go will only make sense to you. Some things may require a conversation, others simply an awareness of choosing differently.

There are many ways one can heal, though the root of it is gratitude. Gratitude for life, for having an opportunity to do the work, gratitude for reconnecting with your own light.

Your catalyst for healing can be anyone or anything, but the choice to heal and the work which is required to heal, can only be made and done by you.

Healing is uncomfortable, it is painful, it is transformative, and it is everything you need it to be in order to elevate to that level of being you’ve been yearning for. Elevation of Self leads you to a place where you recognize the interconnectedness of all beings (animals and plants) to each other and the Earth. 

Healing offers new perspectives, inspirations and connections with other human beings. The right path of healing, is the one that makes most sense to you, so long as it doesn’t intentionally abuse or misuse any person, substance, animal or plant.

Healing does not mean that your Self work is over and that once you heal you can simply stroll through life. It’s the opposite – healing means that you can continue to do your Self work and continue to elevate higher. Always. 

Healing requires you to trust your intuition. Intuition will never be presented with an emotion, fear or doubt (those come from the mind). Your intuition, will guide you to heal in a way that is right for you, but you have to listen and allow it to guide you.

****

I am grateful for facing my fears, for finding peace, for freeing my Self of traumas I did not know I was carrying. (A retrospective awareness.)

I am grateful for the newfound emptiness. It is an empty canvas for me to create whatever I choose, though mindfully, for I have been given a clean slate with which to create, love, breathe, be, connect, experience and move through life.

I am still an imperfect human being searching for a certain connection, but now, I am able and ready to ALLOW it.

And yes, I had to heal in order to allow.

No, it’s not an intuitive response.

Yes, I have to continuously work at it, but the journey, has been worth it.

 

Wishing you emptiness and fullness,

T.

 

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About arainbowintheclouds

Hello! Thank you for visiting my page! *** About me? I am a woman who constantly seeks knowledge and experiences which feed my soul, make me think, feel, reflect and learn. I seek, respect, love and live the TRUTH. Whatever it is, however it's packaged, whomever it comes from, wherever I find it. I love intellectual conversations and I LOVE LIVING! * Background: I obtained two degrees back-to-back while working as a pharmacy technician. I competed as a fitness model during the last two years of my second degree and was involved in the fitness industry for some time. I had written poetry and stories when I was younger but had put it all on hold during my studies. After spending a few years getting back to T, I decided to share my writing with the world. *** Sending positive energy your way! *** T *** PS Feel free to leave a comment or send me a message! **** ALL posts © Copyright of Tamara Nikic as dated. View all posts by arainbowintheclouds

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