Until a few days ago, I didn’t realize that this post was necessary…
I regretfully thought that it was ‘men’ who act inappropriately and without integrity when dating. My eyes were opened this week when my friend and I started chatting about relationships and dating values, and he proceeded to tell me about a girl (‘cuz when you act like one, I cannot refer to you as a woman although you’re of age) who did some things that MEN and WOMEN consider to be wrong.
There is a lot to be said about integrity and treating others with respect. You really cannot do that until you figure out who you are, what you want your life to look like and the kind of people you want to have in it. But that’s really an aside note…
As per my standard, this post will not sugar coat.
Here’s the situation: A man met a girl whom he liked and she liked him. They exchanged phone numbers and started chatting. A connection was established as well as a comfortable vibe. He asks her out on a date and she accepts. Later he finds out that the entire time they were ‘talking’, she was seeing someone else. (This story could also read “A woman met a boy whom she liked and he liked her…Later she finds out that the entire time they were ‘talking’, he was seeing someone else.”.)
Here’s the reality: THIS IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE. Do not treat others as if they are disposable. It is NOT okay. If you are seeing someone, give that relationship your full attention. If you are unsure about it, leave – you are not a tree.
Let’s look at things objectively… One, if you are involved, you have no business exchanging numbers with those who you have a non-platonic interest in/connection with. It’s basically a prelude to cheating. I am sure that you would not appreciate it if the person whom you are dating did it. Two, if you are involved, you shouldn’t be ‘talking’ to others with whom you have a non-platonic connection. It’s pretty much cheating because you are allowing someone new in your life and you’re not focusing on the relationship you’re already involved in. Again, imagine if the person you are seeing did that with others behind your back. Three, if you are involved and someone is showing interest in you, you are accountable to yourself, the person you are already involved with AND the person who is interested in you, to disclose to them the fact that you are involved. It is YOUR responsibility to disclose that information. Don’t hide behind the infamous “well you never asked,” followed by *shrugged shoulders*. You knew you were doing something wrong. Four, this type of behaviour must stop. Our society is losing basic relationship values because they are no longer being shown, practiced and taught by those who date.
Each of us should ask ourselves these questions: What kind of relationship do I want to have with another person? How do I want to feel within the realm of that relationship? What values are really important for me to have in a relationship? I bet if each person was true to their heart, being cheated on, dealing with their partner’s inappropriate behaviours and being made to feel disrespected and disposable would NOT make that list. And if that isn’t how we want our relationships to look like, then we need to act accordingly. After all, the energy that we put out into the universe, does end up coming back to us. We must be mindful of that.
I think that often, those who are seeing someone but are secretly talking to other people, show a lot of insecurity because they need to know that they are desired by many people. But the truth is, desirability by others should not be the driving factor of whom you spend time with or talk to or the number of people you talk to. I think we each owe our Self, our relationship and our society to really spend time alone and understand Self before venturing out and dating. Period. We should know what we want in a partner and be clear about it upfront.
What are you doing with your life?