Monthly Archives: April 2013

Do YOU fit into a box?

 

I have come to realize that we often put people in a square or a category when we first meet them, just based on what they say and/or do. It’s kind of like deciding for the other person the capacity in which they are able to be in our life instead of actually giving someone a chance to show us who they are and what they’re about, what role they are able to, and are willing to, play in our life.

 

I’ll be the first to say that I’ve done this. I think it’s a defense mechanism but it actually is a very fear-driven thing to do. We’re always intrigued when we first meet someone by whatever it is about him or her that caught our attention in the first place, and drove us to wanting to get to know that person. But then we place stipulations on them on what they could be to us, via pre-conceived notions we’ve formulated based on what we’ve been shown and what we’ve seen growing up, and in our personal adult experiences… (BTW, I am referring to any type of relationship here – be it platonic, familial or non-platonic.)

 

I think that, as individuals, we are all somewhat scared to be vulnerable with others. Yes, it opens us up to the possibility of getting hurt, but it also creates the potential of developing nurturing and mindful relationships with others. Yet the walls we keep around our Selves not only impede that, but also deflect the gifts the other person comes bearing (be it friendship, an opportunity to create, love, etc.). And so we end up getting stuck in this never-ending cycle of amazing people knocking on our doors and us never fully allowing them the opportunity to show us all these gifts they come bearing. Often we are so focused on who they could potentially be to us, what we could get out of such a relationship, the reason why we’ve crossed paths, trying to figure out if they’re a reason, a season or a lifetime, etc. that it distracts us from the present moment but it also leads to one or all of the following:

 

1)   It puts people into a box with respect to the capacity they are able to be in our life.

2)   It puts pressure on the actual relationship to be something other than what it is.

3)   It creates a relationship with limited growth potential of either individual and of the relationship itself.

 

I do believe that a huge part of growing up is letting go – of viewing the world with the same set of eyes, of how we’ve imagined things should be, of ideas we’ve held onto since childhood about how things ‘should be’ – and actually focusing on what is. It is not necessary to have it all figured out when you meet someone. It is actually mindful to pay attention to that person – their habits, their needs…whatever it is that they choose to share with you – and create with them the type of relationship that is nurturing to both of you, whatever that means or entails.

 

Be open to more.

T

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Ready now.

Dedicated to Love…and loving hearts everywhere.

May you find the courage to love, starting with your Self, and more importantly, may you find the courage to let in the love of another who loves you courageously.

T

***

I think it was somewhere in your eyes

Which just happen to be my favorite color of a beautiful soul

That I saw truths of my own.

I realize that

This journey of life makes no sense to me

Unless we give…

But I don’t have much to give you right now

Except this heart I’ve managed to put back together

And it was just recently

That I found tape strong enough

To keep the broken pieces together

While it heals.

I know it’s not the best looking heart

But it works well, I swear!

It has much love to give…

To the one who won’t deliberately break it into all of those pieces again.

But who am I to tell you not to judge a book by its cover

When it is I who saw your heart

And decided that based on the tape

You’ve used to hold it together

Your heart wasn’t capable of loving or giving.

It is kind of ironic

That I thought that

Since what I actually saw, and I realize this now,

Is that your heart mirrors mine.

And it doesn’t matter how we’ve put our hearts back together

Until we each choose to put each of our hearts to use and love another

We won’t be able to heal completely

Because what loving another provides is that practice we need

To suture the pieces together mindfully.

And I cannot tell you whom to love

Or to even try

All I know is that my heart

Is ready to love a heart

That reflects mine.

Knowing that actually makes my heart smile.

Love, it is with joy in my soul

That I can honestly say

I am ready now.

I am in no rush,

So do take your time,

But when you’re ready,

I hope you accept the love

Of this imperfect heart of mine.


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