Monthly Archives: September 2012

Untitled Dedication

I dedicate this to the man who, I believe is out there,

growing, preparing himself for me. – 

I may not know your face, or your name, or your age,

but I’ll recognize you when we meet. 

Love, T

***

I want to show you

How to make love to a woman.

Now, pay attention

Because another man cannot give you this lesson.

Woman.

I stand before you right now

As the woman you’re about to make love to.

It’s dark and you cannot

Make me out clearly,

But if you close your eyes

I’ll help you really see me.

Clearly.

Sit comfortably,

Keep an open mind,

But keep your eyes closed

As I break it down.

I’m going to call you Baby,

If you’re doing it right.

I’m standing before you naked,

In dim light,

Turning around and around

With grace, like a ballerina.

Keep your eyes closed.

My hair is down,

My skin is glistening,

My eyes have a twinkle,

And I am wearing a smile.

You start at my feet

As you slowly move your gaze up

My twirling body.

See the curves of my calves?

The strength of my thighs?

The pronounced curve of my firm bum?

Yes, I know –

I want you to run your hands

Up and down my legs, too.

Stay focused now,

You’ve not even reached my waist

With your gaze.

You see the little outward curve

At the base of my tummy?

You know, the one I’m so insecure about?

Well, it looks good in this light

And I’ve grown fond of it.

You notice the tone of my back and arms.

The rise and fall of my breasts.

Your gaze stops at my neck

As you admire its sensual curve.

My hair is long and soft

And it draws your eyes up to my face,

Meeting my smile,

And the twinkle in my eye.

You speak to me now

In a language only you and I understand.

It has no sounds, no words, no vowels or nouns.

Everything you’re communicating to me,

Has its own special energy

And it’s filling the spaces between my ribs,

Making my breathing heavier and deeper.

I feel your warmth.

I feel your strength.

I feel your courage.

I notice your breathing is heavier

And hotter.

Now it’s my turn to close my eyes,

And feel you.

I trust you.

I’ll let you touch me now.

As always,

You feel incredible.

We are getting close

To the explosion,

The fireworks,

The waterfalls,

The beautiful release.

We’re enjoying each other

Like a cool breeze

On a hot summer night –

It’s necessary

For peaceful rest and dreams.

Intertwined with longing

Our souls are in sync

Loving deeply –

The borders blurred

So we aren’t able to tell

Where one ends and the other begins.

It’s probably better that way

It intensifies our climax

And against the black clear night sky

We see a falling star.

It must be a sign then –

Our souls were meant to be together.

I look into your eyes and they reflect what’s in my heart –

Love.

Love for me,

Love for you.

Our love.

And I am happy because you faced your fear

And loved me,

Even when you weren’t convinced

That it was all real.

Even when you thought that it was a dream.

Even when you wanted to believe,

But couldn’t,

That real, true love, exists.

I am so proud of you Baby,

For being so courageous,

For loving me,

For giving us a real try.

I wake up,

Only to see,

That my world is exactly

How it should be.

You remain seated,

Watching me,

Because you know

That there is no need

For either one of us to move.

Without words,

Or sounds,

Or vowels,

Or nouns,

Without fears,

Without holding back,

We make love to one another,

From opposite sides of the room.

Yes Baby, it’s all in your eyes,

And your courageous stance

When you faced your fear

And learned how to

Love a woman –

When you chose

To love

Me.

*****

You can watch my performance of this poem here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFR8Cpo5Qsc


Learn To Love…

I was off from work today. It took me some time to get myself organized and leave my place to run the errands I needed to complete.

But eventually I got myself together – I put my hair up in a bun, put some large hoops in my ears, opted for a dark pair of jeans and my white Marilyn Monroe print tee to go with my new grey jacket I bought in Chicago a few weeks ago. I left my house with the feeling that I looked as good as I felt (and I felt good!)…which is a great feeling as we all know.

My first stop was the nail shop. I walked in and there were no other customers so it was nice and quiet. My nails were made beautiful again and as I was waiting for my toes to dry, this LOUD ‘female’ walked in. I didn’t get a good look at her until she sat in the chair beside me. (I’d say she was around my age.) She was probably a few inches taller than me, minus the curves. She must have had 3-4 layers of extra long fake lashes glued onto her lids. Her lips looked like they’ve gone through one too many collagen injections, and I actually thought that they looked kind of painful to move or touch. Her hair was not combed well so you could see where the extra long extensions were glued on. But the most elaborate thing on her ‘body’ were in fact, her breasts. Imagine two basketballs, side-by-side on a long board. Except these basketballs are so heavy that they’re not only starting to sag a little, not only are the covering half of her torso, but they’re actually bending her back forward and exaggerating her kyphosis.

Because she was sitting beside me, AND was very loud, I heard everything that came out of her mouth while I was there. One thing that stood out was her story about the fact that she phoned the shop yesterday, only to get the nail shop lady’s husband on the phone. When she was trying to make the appointment she said “I’m the one who comes there all the time. You know, the one with the big boobs?” and laughed after that punchline. (That made me think of three things: 1. she was actually proud of her two basketballs, 2. she identifies herself as her basketballs, or 3. she hides her true self behind her basketballs.)

I was grateful when my nails were dry and I could go about the rest of my day. I can’t lie – I found it extremely hard NOT to stare and wonder how bad she must have felt about herself before she took such extremes to plasticize her body.

I made my way over to Kensington market where my first order of business was lunch – AND I ate dessert too, for I also remembered the loud ‘female’ at the nail shop saying how she ‘forgot to eat today’. SIDE NOTE: Natural curves on a female, are a must!

After lunch and dessert, and after completing my intended food shopping, I was making my way out of Kensington when I read a statement on a banner of sorts, which actually inspired this blog post:

“If you desire love,

learn to love.”

It’s so simple, yet so lovely, isn’t it? If you want to have love in your life, you must then learn how to love. And who better to start with, than YOU?! I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “Love yourself first”. Well, that’s the key to overcoming almost every fear, every struggle, any pain or sorrow you’re holding onto in life.  For some of you, you’re reading something that is obvious to you, and that’s because you’ve probably done the work you needed to do on your Self and you understand it as the truth.  But for others, however, you may be asking “HOW DO I GET THERE? HOW DO I DO THAT? HOW DO I LEARN TO LOVE?” which is great because you’ve recognized that you have some work to do AND that you’re ready to do it!

So I’ll be honest, although I’ve reached a place of love for my Self that’s deep, vast, accepting, joyful and has brought me a deep sense of peace, I am not an expert or a doctor. However, I do have a few things I can share with you that I learned during my journey which may be helpful to you, in yours.

1. DO NOT put off doing the work you’re now aware you need to do.

2. Spend time with yourself. Write to yourself, talk to yourself, listen to your own thoughts and feelings. Pay attention to your inner reactions.

3. Deal with ALL of your baggage – NOTHING should be swept under the carpet . This may involve crying, laughter, grief, periods of highs and lows. There is nothing wrong with going to a professional (counsellor or therapist) for guidance.

4. FORGIVE YOURSELF.

5. Take ownership of your actions, reactions and words of the past, which still seem to follow you. Understand their consequences and take note of their lessons.

6. FORGIVE YOURSELF.

7. Look in the mirror and point out all the things you like and dislike about your body. Work towards loving those areas EXACTLY as they are. I bet as you start to really love your Self, your body will start to change and look better. NOTE: Everything we feel manifests itself physically – our bodies reflect what we feel. Often this shows as a noticeable outwards physical change to others and ourselves (NO, I am not talking about silicone breast implants the size of basketballs here!), and sometimes it’s an inward physical or physiological change that only we can feel (you have pain everywhere and there is no explanation that your doctor can find for it through any tests he or she has run). It’s important to become aware of our Self – body, mind, spirit, emotions are all interconnected.

8. Be honest with yourself. The truth may not be very pretty but until you face it, you won’t make any progress.

9. FORGIVE YOURSELF.

10. Embrace the change this journey will bring to your life. Know that not everyone will stay with you, and that’s okay. Be aware that there are no shortcuts and sometimes you’ll feel like you’ve reached a plateau but that’s just a small ‘break’ until you have to move on to the next part.

Last few things I need to point out are important.

Remember how you got to where you are right now. Recognize what or whom you allowed to help you lose you. We’re all only human so forgive yourself.

Know that our work on our Self is never really over. And it’s not supposed to be. We’re meant to make mistakes and learn from them in order to grow and become better. But also know that once you love yourself, it doesn’t mean that’s it and you can sign off on journey as ‘completed’. It doesn’t work like that. As long as you’re breathing, you have a choice of living. And you’re not completely living unless you’re loving. And you can’t love anyone else until you love yourself FIRST, AT ALL TIMES, ALWAYS.

One Love,

T


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