Monthly Archives: March 2012

What no one tells you about life….

One day last week, I had an interesting interaction with a patient in the emergency room of the hospital I work in. I went to get him for his exam and as he took his time getting his shoes on, he said to me (not exact quote) “Don’t ever get old. I used to be able to put my shoes on in no time now it’s a task in of itself.” I said: “Well at least you have life”. Now his reply was what really got me. This 70-something-year-old man, who was an immigrant to Canada said to me, “Yes, but life is filled with deaths”.

It’s not that I’ve not heard that before – something about life being about living and dying many small deaths – but what struck me was that he was able to articulate that, to me, at his age, with his not so perfect English, at that moment in the situation that he found himself in. And he has lived some life!

That actually got me thinking about all the different situations in life we face and how dramatic we are, as human beings. Especially when it comes to the matters of the heart and love. The most intelligent, articulate, coherent, common sense person becomes irrational, dumb and frankly unable to clearly communicate a single feeling when they experience love for the first time in their life. It is one of the most powerful and one of the most important, life-changing experiences one goes through in life, in my opinion. That is when we become ‘alive’ and yet when we are also most vulnerable. It’s when we learn the most about ourselves and yet are hardly able to recognize the increased greatness of our Self which we feel during the phase when we are embracing and feeling love. It is also when we are most fearless, for love is scary to many people and too many actually shy away from IT, as an experience in its entirety.

Of course, there are different types of love and I remain a firm believer that love for Self IS, in fact, the most important love to have and experience. However, in this case, I am referring to non-platonic love that’s on a soul level – love that is inspiring, uplifting, and moves a person to the depths of their core. Love that makes you feel invincible at times but mostly one that makes you believe in love and in the beauty of the world despite all the examples portrayed on the news every day of its darkness. Love that teaches you forgiveness, willingness to sacrifice, do better and makes you grow as a person – be it you are a woman or a man.

See, often, when such a love happens to us, we recognize its beauty and importance but we (or the other person involved) may not be ready for IT (i.e. not just the feeling of love, but where love will lead – relationship etc.) for whatever reason OR it could be that circumstances are such that we may not be able to work at it. And it is then that we experience death. (Unfortunately, in some cases people do lose the person whom they love to death but that is not what I am referring to here.) We experience death of a loss of something amazing and incredible we felt for the first time in our life. I realize that sounds dramatic but if you go back and read my paragraphs in describing love, or if you’ve been through it, you’ll realize that it is dramatic and traumatic and painful and incredibly hard. No one ever tells you that love can hurt that bad or that you’ll actually have to grieve in order to let go and move on and in fact ‘get better’. But the reality is, it does happen and it is hard. There are no instructions on how to get through it the way that WE need to get through it. It’s just something that we almost get thrown into and we start to wonder how it’s possible to go from feeling something SO incredible and beautiful to being the most miserable, sad, un-motivated person in the world? And it IS because we are grieving. We are grieving for our loss.

So yes, in a way we experience death during life and it may not always be death of a love – it could be end of a friendship, or a career, or a perspective… And somehow we, as human beings, are still able to keep going, to keep moving and LIVE. It’s not an easy thing to do and love, true love that is unconditional (which in my opinion IS what true love is – unconditional) is always a part of us because when we TRULY love someone, we love them sometimes before we meet them and after we ‘lose’ them because loving someone touches us on a soul level and it becomes the energy of our soul, hence it never leaves us. Even when we let go. Even when we love again. Even when the person we love is gone and we have no communication with them nor do we know how to get in touch with them. Despite all of those deaths, we still love because it was love that inspired us to do better, to become better, to do more and because it was love which awakened us to LIFE.

I want to thank my love. I smile at your grace and am humbled to have been in your embrace.

T


Dear Waldo…

Dear Waldo,

I am writing you this letter in order to express my confusion and disbelief about the life you have chosen to lead all these years. This isn’t a criticism and I hope that you don’t take it as that. I also hope that you don’t mind the fact that I am posting it publicly on my blog…but to be real, you’re nowhere to be found!

Image credit: http://bit.ly/yGdNAs

First of all, you should know that you’re an amazing individual and I absolutely love you. But I never really get to show you so and that frustrates me. It’s almost as if you only stay around long enough to give me a glimpse of you but not long enough to really know you, know you. You have a great personality and characteristics I look for in friends and loves, but the reality is that you remain a mystery to me….and to others as well. You don’t allow anyone to get very close and if you start to let someone in, you easily withdraw at the slightest evidence of a relationship blooming. It’s like everyone else’s walls are 3 feet high but yours are touching the sky. How do you move around so fast and get to so many places when you have such tall, heavy fences?

Maybe to you all this is just a show and you gain joy from interacting with others at a safe distance – where you’re close enough to see them in their space and element but far enough so that they can’t really pinpoint yours. I always wonder if that’s the reason you go away so much and usually don’t stay in touch on a regular basis. Do you fear people seeing you and all of your faces? We all have them, just so you know.

I’m not saying that you have to be best friends with every person you meet but when you have a great connection with someone, allow yourself to explore it. Just like you, that person is scared too. They don’t really know you and they know that you can hurt them too. But the thing is, great connections don’t come by too often and when you recognize them as such, please remember that they deserve your all – you can’t keep coming and going because that will hurt the other person who you’ve assumed to be demanding and in your face because they care to know (and rightfully ask!) how you’re doing and what it is that you’re up to. They’re not asking for a detailed report of your day, they just want to be a part of your life as much as they’ve allowed you to be a part of theirs. There is nothing wrong with this, actually.

Tomorrow is not promised nor guaranteed. There is a high probability that that person is not asking for the moon and the stars nor magic carpet rides that the fairy tales sold to kids in movies which are animated. They just want to get to know you and enjoy some quality time with you. Yes, you could be their happy place. It is not promised to be that way always, but if it is so right now, allow it to be. Explore the feelings that come – you never know where they’ll take you.

They say life isn’t really living if you keep running so I say – stay a while and play a hand! You’ll never lose – what’s meant to be will be and everything else gets tossed in a bin called “life experiences” which holds a whole lot of “lessons” and leave you with a forever-giving, priceless gift called “wisdom”.

I’d appreciate a reply to this letter, my dearest Waldo. Perhaps not to me personally, but to those who love you and who are trying to figure out why and how you’ve become so disconnected. Well at least, think about it.

With love and a whole lot of faith in you,

Sincerely,

T


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