Emotionally Unavailable

This post was inspired by the lyrics of Adele’s song Set Fire To The Rain.

T

***

I feel like I talk to you

a million times a day

but I wonder if you hear

all that I say?

All of what I want you to know?

Do my feelings show?

In the midst of our letting go

I hadn’t really let it go.

But now I see the reality of you and me

and I realize why we cannot be.

It’s not that you’re incapable of loving,

or of loving me,

actually it’s your

emotional unavailability.

You’ve placed a wall around your heart

and your entire being

making it hard for you to go anywhere

that requires mindful thoughts and feelings.

I cannot imagine what or who

caused you so much pain,

but because I love you,

I want to make it go away….

and then I realize

that I can’t.

I sit here in my space

thinking of you

and your embrace.

Your face is so lovely,

I don’t think I’ve ever told you so

but it comes to my mind quite a bit….

and it sure makes me smile….

When you’d hold me in your arms

my world was a happy place..

no troubles

or a sad face…

all this because of your embrace.

I’m not sure you knew

the effect you had on me.

You couldn’t see that I loved you

from the very beginning.

Like Adele said,

my heart fell..

you just didn’t realize

that you were actually holding it

right in the palm of your hand…

now, do you understand?

I look at you

for all of who you are

and I can’t seem to make out

if you’re living or just breathing

right now.

I want to hold you

and tell you how amazing

you are…how much you’ve changed my life

but I can’t because you’re not in a place

to even understand the face of

my heart space.

And it makes me sad

to know that you’re in so much pain

and I cannot do anything to make it go away.

I love you so much

but that’s not enough

nor is it the answer to a heart

with walls around its gates,

which are closed and locked..

your heart tucked away

in a garden of pain

overgrown and unkept

perhaps due to fears

of what you might find..

but I think you’ve decided that it’s easier

just to leave it there

tucked away.

Of course you can’t let me in your space

you’ve not been there in years

so how can you truly even know

the truths it holds within?

Maybe it is calling for me,

but you don’t know and you never will –

you don’t allow yourself to feel.

So I sit here,

in my space,

which I let you come into,

except now you’ve gone and you’re so far away

and instead of feeling your embrace

I feel your pain

as my tears fall

down my face…

wishing I can take you in my arms

and hold you

in my embrace.

I wonder if, when your walls come down

and you start feeling again,

you’d let me love you

and if then you’d understand

what I meant when I said

that it hurts me

when you go away…

maybe then you’ll understand

that you give me everything

without ‘giving’ me anything…

I hope you reach THAT

heart space…

some day.

***

Watch YouTube link with lyrics here: