Monthly Archives: November 2011

The Butterfly Whisperer

This is a strange thing –

I’ve not felt this way before

and as such is the truth,

I start to think –

Is it really okay that I feel like this???


I am being vague I realize

so I’ll have to take my time

to paint this picture of what seems to be

a full-blown case of tummy butterflies….


It doesn’t take much really

for these butterflies the size of eagles

to start fluttering around my stomach…

eliminating my appetite,

giving me the runs,

disturbing my sleep,

and at the same time,

putting a goofy perma-smile on my face

so that I literally look as happy as a clown – !


All you really have to do is say “Hi”

or “Hey”

or “Ayo gurl! How’s you today?”

It can be via text, email or Facebook chat,

and any of that will leave me with butterflies

which fly from my tummy to my heart…and back.


Oh and then there is Skype!

Do you even know how fast my heart races

when I see you calling via a video call request?!

Even as I answer

I try to be cool

while the butterflies still keep doing what they do.

But when I see your face

and hear your voice say “Hey!”

It’s like you served strong coffee to the butterflies

who seem to now work overtime, extra hard.

Then my palms get sweaty,

my heart beats faster,

my face gets hotter….

I hope the camera doesn’t pick up red

for I am not ready for you to know

that you have made my whole body very, very  warm.


So you think Skype-ing with you is bad?

Yeah….it gets even worse

when I know that I will see you in person!

Especially if I know way in advance –

Not only are those butterflies working extra hard

but I fail to eat,

I can’t sleep…

I have a hard time doing anything but daydream!


And then THE moment comes

when we meet face-to-face

and it’s as if you take all these butterflies away…

because instantly I’m cool and I feel good.

And it makes me wonder how you got me so good?!


Do you plant these butterflies

with your words or your voice?

Or have you placed them only in my tummy

so that they respond just to

YOUR voice and YOUR words,

so much so that it’s starting to make me wonder

if you’re the butterfly whisperer no one’s yet heard of?


I’ve now realized that you have way more control

over my appetite, sleep and thoughts

than I’d ever let you know….

 But since it’s all real – I sincerely feel this way –

this is what my friends want me to say:

“Will you please  spend time with your gurl

so she doesn’t starve and waste away??”



Deceit Of The Sun…

I am sitting here

On this big, chocolate, marshmallow

Which often cradles me to sleep,

On this sunny Thursday morning,

Enjoying the warmth of the sun’s rays,

Reaching my cold feet.


The bright sunshine is deceiving

Because the wind outside is cold.

I wear layers of protection

So that the cold can’t reach my innermost core.

But the wind is sharp and strong…

It seems to find a way

To reach me,

No matter how heavy-duty the gear I wear is.


I hate this cold,

Although from the side of the window I look out from,

It doesn’t look cold at all.

Well, maybe it does

But I just can’t see it

Because the sun captures me and warms my cold feet

So I can’t see it’s deception

Because it’s SUCH a great deceit!

And here is where I ask –

Why didn’t anyone on the outside warn me or tell me?!

Shouldn’t it be our social responsibility,

To warn another human being

About what outside holds for her?

The weather man and the news lie,

And on you she relies

But you stay quiet like you know nothing

And have nothing to say…

But as soon as she steps outside

She sees your face

And your eyes shoot out bolts of fear.

Yeah you’re scared!

Not of her ‘cuz she won’t do anything

To hurt you

But you’re afraid to speak up

And tell her the truth

‘Cuz the sun is much bigger than you

But you forget –

On the inside,

It’s burning up and slowly dying….

Just like you.


Yet again I encourage you

To face your fear –



My Biggest Heartbreak

RIP Marko Bilela

I walked up the stairs of my childhood,

And it was the first time that it made me sad.

The memories that they hold are beautiful…

They are the greatest treasures of my heart.

It is not my return to them which is driving my tears.

It is the fact that you’re no longer at the top of the stairs,

smiling and waiting for me.


I walk into the room I saw you last,

The room where you took your very last breath,

And I sob for all of that you meant to me and to us all…

I cry for all of those who you left.

For they didn’t understand you

Nor did they feel what I felt.


Your trust in me gave me strength

And it humbled me to my core.

It came from a place of unconditional love

A connection that was strong between us, very strong.


I wish I had seen you again…

At least once before your soul left your body.

To hug you and talk to you for a little while,

To spend a few hours…just a little bit of time.


Here I am now standing in the room you took your last breath

Praying that you knew how I really felt.

I stand here sending you my love,

Knowing that it’s not enough

As the tears keep falling down my face

And I can no longer run for comfort into your embrace.


To the best grandfather anyone could have,

Please visit me in my dreams sometime….

So I can tell you how much your love shaped me,

and all of that it meant.

So I can walk with you once more,

sit close to you or just hold your hand.


I know my tears won’t bring you back

But they fall every time you cross my mind.

I hope that you are at peace now…

As I know you’re watching over grandma.


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