I read something interesting today. It was a statement which said “Don’t be a woman who needs a man… Be a woman a man needs!” and a comment was made by a man who said something along the lines that he hopes women interpret it how it was actually intended. So you know I started thinking about it, right?
I know MANY independent women. I’m talking about women who have well-paying jobs, their own place, their own cars, their own lives and are able to provide for themselves….well, everything without the need of a man to do so. This sort of breaks down the traditional roles of men and women which have been established throughout civilization as the ‘norm’ – men being the providers and women being the home makers. Many of those independent women will be told that men find them intimidating because of their financial independence and that is why they’ve not had any luck in ‘finding’ one. I suppose that may be true in some cases but it’s not the woman’s financial independence that intimidates a man in my opinion. I think it’s the woman herself who actually pushes a man away with her approach or her reaction to him. Just like anything else, it’s in how something is said and not what is said, that allows for a healthy, positive conversation (and relationship) to occur. For example, in situations where the man is out of a well-paying or stable job or is not working at all in some cases (which is not where he wants to be in the first place!), the way that a woman reacts to him can either motivate him to put forth more effort in finding one or will motivate him to leave. “You’re a grown ass man doing a boy’s job!” vs “I know you’re not doing the job that you love but I appreciate the fact that you’re working and doing your best.”…..which one do you think will motivate him to do more??? Another thing is when a man does get a ‘real’ job, there is a proper way to react and it’s not “Finally you have a grown up job!”….
HOWEVER, in my opinion, the initial statement has nothing to do with women being financially independent but mindful. (I am including my own mistakes and lessons in this so don’t think I have it all figured out…) And I am only going to say this once: A REAL man not only has no intention of every relying on his woman for financial stability, he is actually proud of her for being independent. So with that, here it goes…this is my interpretation and I welcome yours!
I think that a real man needs a woman who gives him moral support without stomping on his dreams, doings or his current job/financial status. A woman who is secure in herself and in their relationship so much so that there is freedom for each to be who they are and still have a beautiful togetherness. A woman who lets him be a man and who will allow him to tell her when he needs her help for anything (that does in fact mean that he carries groceries and heavy items!). A woman who is not afraid to speak her mind and stand up for herself but more importantly is one who upholds her standards of how she wants to be treated.
A man needs a woman who will allow him to be there for her, listen to her truth and comfort her when she is in pain. A woman who recognizes that a real man will show how he feels about her through his actions, not words. A woman who accepts him for who he is because that is exactly what he will do for her. A woman who doesn’t allow her past to dictate her present or future, no matter how painful and difficult it was.
A man needs a woman who will give him space when he needs to be alone and focus on what he is working to achieve at the time. A woman who is secure enough to, in fact, give each of them space and time to be alone. A woman who loves herself more than anyone could ever love her, knowing full well that he will always ‘big her up’ as he will want that to forever be true (because he knows that it’s only those who love themselves, who are able to love others). A woman who no matter what is going on will know that he loves and cares for her enough to respect, understand and support her need to be free to do whatever she needs to do for herself, to be happy and content.
A man needs a woman who trusts not just his words or actions but his heart.
And most importantly, a real man needs a woman who recognizes him as that and respects him…because he will always respect her.